Saturday, June 4, 2011

Right on Time

I can honestly say God has always been there for me. There has never been a time in my life where He left me or where He didn’t supply my needs. He knows what I need before I even ask and He always, always gives it to me Right On Time.
But let’s face it; God is so absolutely wonderful that He gives us all way more than we need. Sometimes the devil gets me down by pointing out all that I don’t have in this life or my troubles, but when I look to God and He starts showing me all of my blessings, there’s really no comparison. He’s a wonderful paymaster.
This week He has showed me His greatness and given me so much more than I deserve or even expected. After seven years of struggling and whining, running and fighting, crying and praying, doubting and hoping, God blessed me with the one call all writers dream of. He blessed me to hear a publisher say they wanted to extend me a publishing offer for my book— Underneath the Scars.
For someone who loves words, I’m at a loss for the perfect words to describe how I felt in that moment. I guess if I had to pick just one word to describe the moment it would be BLESSED. God opened the windows of heaven and filled my heart; so full that it bubbled over.
I laughed and cried and my smile was so bright that it shined through my tears. The whole moment felt so surreal. I wish everyone could feel exactly how I felt in that moment. For so long, the devil has tormented me and told me this day would never come. Through the struggles, and they were many, God never allowed me to lose hope. Oh, I tried to quit many times. I tried to convince myself it would never happen, that I was chasing a foolish dream, but at my lowest moments God would always give me a spark of hope. He would remind me why I wrote the book and why I wanted others to read it. And I’m so thankful, through it all; He never gave up on me.
I woke up that morning feeling so blessed. I took my coffee out onto the deck to spend a few minutes with the Lord, before I started the day. All I could do was cry for all that He has blessed me with (and that was before the call). I feel so undeserving of His grace and mercy. From the moment my children were born, I desired to stay at home with them. I dreamed of spending summers playing and making wonderful memories. And I’m so thankful God has blessed me to do that this year.
He showed me when I was struggling to finish my book, some time ago, that there were seasons in writing.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
ECCLESIATES 3:1 KJV
There would be times when He would plant the seed, times when He would water it, times when it would grow, and then times when I would write it. There would be times when it would need to be weeded, and then a time when I would just need to wait on Him. But there is also a time when it is ready to harvest. And God showed me some time back, this was harvesting season.
He fixed it so that I can spend those blissful moments with my kids, guilt free. I can help my daddy in the garden, without neglecting His work. I can be there for those who need me, anytime. And I can write the blog entries He puts on my heart without neglecting my children.
I love working with God! He’s the absolute best! He gives me so little to do and even helps me do it, and blesses me so richly. Just when I think, it just doesn’t get any better! Then, it does.
While I was talking to the publisher she said that she wanted to read the little zebra book that I struggled so hard to write. The very one that I had put away, believing it would never be published. The one I cried over so much and desired to see published—the one little book that literally changed my life. Through it God opened my eyes and showed me I’m not cursed, I’m so blessed. Through the many revisions of that book I found peace with my scars and, finally, accepted them. I thought it was only for me. That God blessed me to write it, just for me, and that it would never be read or loved by children.
It shocked me so much when she told me that she would like to see both books published at the same time (of course, she has not read it yet, so she might not like it at all). I made excuses for the book and tried to convince her she didn’t want to publish it. Now, I wonder why I would do something so stupid. Why would I try to convince a publisher not to buy my book that I’ve wanted to see published for so long?
And I can only find one explanation—I’m afraid.
I put that book away, years ago, with many tears. I accepted that it would never be published, although it broke my heart. And to pull it back out again, and go through all of the pain that it might possibly be rejected is too hard. I don’t want to go back down that road again. I don’t want to be hurt so I’m trying to shield myself. But in doing that, I’m hurting myself worse.
As I pull out the manuscript and knock the dust off, I’m amazed my answer lies inside the pages. It’s a book about courage. With a prayer and a dream, I read the story and fall in love all over again. And I think what if a little child somewhere reads my book and finds the same answers I found. What if God shows them the same thing He showed me? What if He gives them a new perspective and shows them they’re blessed with life and not cursed with scars? What if He helps them to accept their scars, too? How could I even think for one moment about not sharing it?
If it’s God’s will it will be published and if not, then it served its purpose. But that’s not up to me to decide. God gave me the words, and I have a responsibility to share them. And I will not allow fear to stop me. I will cry and pray until God gives me the strength to submit it, knowing that He is always in control!
Sometimes I feel bad for talking about how blessed I am because I feel like I’m bragging. Then I realize I am— on just how wonderful my God is to me. My God is so worthy of praise.
He can do the things you and I can’t do. He can handle the situations that seem so hopeless. He can change everything in a moment and a twinkling of an eye. Our God is so BIG! After all, He spoke the world into existence.
Whatever your problem, turn it over to God! He knows how to handle it. He knows what is best for you. He wants you to trust Him to take care of it. And He will, Right on Time!

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