The prelude to the first day of school always makes me nervous. I’m vulnerable and therefore and easy target for the devil. If I’m not careful, I will find myself worrying over needless things like if their new shoes will hurt their feet or if their backpack is too big and heavy. Will they have any of their friends in their class or will their teacher be kind? It can be a fearful thing to drop off a little one at school and then walk away—not knowing if any kind of danger lurks ahead.
Last night I thought I would never fall asleep. Sometimes it’s so hard to be a Mommy. I want to protect my kids from all harm. I don’t want their little feelings to be hurt or anyone to hurt them physically. I want them to always be safe and happy. But I know that’s not always possible. So I tossed and turned half the night whispering a silent plea for God to keep my little ones safe.
And then I realized that before anyone can hurt my children they have to go through God. He is always with them. He has an angel just to protect them. And if for some reason He allows one of them to be hurt for any reason, there is a purpose.
I want them to be strong, kind, compassionate, loving kids, but in order for that to happen they must face their share of heartaches and challenges. So now I pray that God will help them overcome any obstacle that comes their way and grow strong roots.
The kids and I were blessed with a wonderful summer. This was the first summer that I didn’t work—not even writing; well, except for this blog. We played and helped my parents in the garden. I love being able to balance my career and family without neglecting one or the other.
Now that the kids have started school, it’s time for me to start a new book. It scares me a little—okay if I’m honest, a whole big lot. I’m faced with the same type of fears and concerns as my previous book. I know when I start writing the first draft it will be a painful process, but I also know it is therapeutic to write with tears. Regardless of how much it hurts me, I don’t want to be disobedient to God. I know if I refuse to do what He wants me to do that He can take away my ability to write at all.
I know this is the next chapter for both the kids and me. There will be bumps, bruises, and tears along the way. There will be times when we will both want to give up—times when things will seem impossible for us both. But I also know it is very important for me to lead by example. God’s work is not always easy because we struggle with ourselves, more than anything else, but it’s a good work. And everything God does is for a purpose.
It took me six years to write my last book, but five and a half of those years were spent running and fighting the gift God has blessed me with. With this book I pray I open my heart and allow God’s wisdom and knowledge to mold me. I pray I won’t resist, but humbly accept and be appreciative for the next chapter of my journey. God has a great plan for me and my life and I believe we are just getting started.
The one thing I have learned about serving God is there is no discharge in this war. A preacher once said, we are all going to die on the battle field, but it is up to us if we are lying down or fighting for our Lord. When things in our life get hard we can either draw closer to God or turn away from Him.
I want to draw closer to God. I want Him to teach me the ways I should go. And if there’s one thing I learned from my previous book, it is to do whatever God lays on your heart willingly. I fought it with everything in me, but, if I’m not mistaken, I ended up writing that book anyway. All of my running and fighting just caused me a lot of unnecessary misery and heartache. God always knows what is best for each of us and I’m so thankful He ignores my whining and gives me what He knows I need.
So I’m going to keep writing and praying, sharing my heartaches and blessings and pray that it helps at least one person along the way. As with everything I write I know the first person it will help will be me. And one day my tears of heartache will be anew blessing.
Romans 8:28 (KJV)
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.