Monday night I discovered, once again, just how weak I am. Knowing that I had my first school visit the next day, I lay in my bed tossing and turning with the worst possible scenarios racing through my mind. One would think I would be thrilled at the opportunity to read Zippy to children and share his story. And there was a part of me that was; however, there was another part of me that was terrified.
What if no one liked my book? What if no one liked me? What if the teacher regretted asking me to visit? What if I disappointed her? What if I disappointed my child, who had helped plan the whole visit? The numerous worst case scenarios troubled me. They blinded me and caused me to doubt myself and my Lord.
My horrid thoughts were without hope or optimism. They guaranteed that I would fail miserably. They forgot all that I had been through. They forgot all of the times I lay awake at night wishing I could share Zippy with children. They forgot all of my accomplishments and blessings thus far. They screamed and ranted, reminding me of all of my faults and failures.
However, the good part is that nothing can separate me from God. And when one of His children cries out onto Him, He hears their pleas of help. When He steps in with His wonderful peace, hope and love the devil has to flee from us. It blesses my heart so much when He takes the time to work with me. He loves me so much that He blessed my family and friends to send me encouraging words. He loves me so much that He sent someone to my home to tell me their granddaughter was so excited I was coming to school the next day. He doesn’t just give us difficult jobs to do and then leave us to fend for ourselves. He’s with us every step of the way.
He changed my thoughts and gave me the strength I needed to withstand the storm. Instead of believing everything bad was going to happen, he reminded me of the positives in life. What if God intervened and made me look good? What if there was a troubled child who needed to hear Zippy’s story? What if He had a great purpose for sending me to that school, in those classrooms?
And then He showed me that it’s not always just about me. Had my life been solely about me, then He could have taken me when the bands wrapped around my body. He could have lifted me in His arms and carried me into Heaven. I would have never suffered or had to bear these scars. But He didn’t. He allowed me to live and gave me the scars to prove it.
He wants me to help those struggling, in the depths of despair— those who have given up on life and accepted defeat. He wants me to encourage them and share my trials and tribulations with them as well as my blessings. God wants me to show them how He has blessed my life.
As I stepped outside that morning and turned to lock my front door, He took away my fear and replaced it with peace and then, excitement. He put a smile on my face that couldn’t be removed. He guided me through each class and blessed me to share with them the words of my heart. He touched hearts and made friendships. He gave me a special moment, I hope to never forget.
I had a tough time getting there, but when I did nothing could compare to the blessings bestowed unto me. They don’t just last a moment, but God’s blessings span a lifetime.