Thursday, July 9, 2015

I Don’t Care: The Lies of Self-destruction

Several years ago, this became my daily saying, “I don’t care.” Everything that was going wrong in my life was replaced with this mantra.

Realization: I’ve gained weight
Response: I don’t care. Life is too short to eat “diet food”.

Realization: I’m not happy with my job.
Response: I don’t care. I tried to go back to school, but no one would help me.

Realization: I don’t feel like I have a friend in the world
Response: If people don’t like me, it’s their loss. I don’t care.

Regardless of my problem, I was the victim. It was always someone else’s fault. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. Nor did I realize that I was depressed. I had turned cold and bitter, and shut nearly everyone out—including God.

One morning, I was able to break through to myself. As I tried to squeeze into my favorite jeans, I tore a gaping hole in them. I tried to tell myself that I really didn’t care, but as I looked in the mirror I realized that I did care. Very much.

As the restrained tears fell, I realized that I was overwhelmed physically, mentally, and spiritually. Yes, I went to church, but I didn’t serve God nor worship Him. Yes, I had gained some weight, but it was more than that. I didn’t like the person underneath it all. And then I discovered the most important part; it was no one’s fault but my own. I continuously made bad choices, and created a perfect storm of misery for myself.

Once I was ready to ask for forgiveness and more forward, God was there to help me. He helped me to change my mind-set. In my experience and knowledge, it is impossible to be happy without God being the center of our life. When we focus on Him; seeking His knowledge, wisdom, and understanding then we are able to truly live.

Climbing out of the depression hole was extremely hard. I had to change my thoughts and my daily routine. Ignoring my problems did not make them go away. In fact, it added to my problems and made them multiply. Being honest was imperative. It was necessary for me to peel back the layers on my heartaches, and dig to the very bottom of my grief.

Even though God had already forgiven me, I had to forgive myself and become my own best friend. Next, I had to tune into my inner self and discover what I needed to move forward in my life. And that is what I want to share with you.

·    **   We all need total acceptance of ourselves. We have to realize that God created us for a purpose; His  purpose, and we need to seek Him until we discover it.
·   **     We need unconditional love, for others as well as ourselves. God is love. The more we exhibit His  love, the more love we will welcome into our own lives.
·   * *  The “I don’t care lifestyle” is of no benefit to anyone. God gives us all a unique and beautiful life.  It’s up to us whether we accept and nurture His gift or waste it.
·  * *  People can only hurt us if we allow them to. When the broken are lashing out, they need our  understanding, forgiveness, prayers, and love.

The devil wants our lives. He wants to destroy us all. God, on the other hand, wants us to enjoy our lives. Imagine being in a cage with the devil. Would you fight for your life? Or simply lie down and accept defeat?

Fight, my friends—with everything inside of you! Not with others, but with the enemy inside of you. Fight for your happiness. Fight for your own acceptance. And fight for your life. Don’t allow the enemy to win.

It makes me sad for all of the moments of my life that I wasted and missed. Now I’m genuinely happy. I no longer go through the motions of my life, but everyday I’m learning how to live—with love and gratitude in my heart and peace in my soul.  

May God bless you,

Candida

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