Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others?

We’ve all done it at some point. Someone does something that we would like to do, or they have something we would like to have, and right away we start comparing our life to theirs. The unfair part about comparison is our unwillingness to recognize the struggles that led to the victory. 

Victory doesn’t come without hard work, determination, and sacrifice of some kind. 

Most of the time, though, we are not willing to put in the work to achieve the goal. We want the victory, but not the hardships that come prior. Success, wisdom, and knowledge all come with a price. 

How many times have we all said these things?

• I could never do _____.
• I wish I could do _____.
• I wish my life was _____. 
• I can’t _______.
• I will never be  ____.

We compare our life and what we feel on the inside to what someone else manifests on the outside. The lens of perfectionism appeals to us all, but it doesn’t exist. No life is perfect. No career is perfect. No marriage is perfect. No child is perfect. No one is perfect. 

Examples:

The first time I went to the gym, I compared my first day to others who were there working out—who had been doing it for a long time. I watched  them and was envious of their strength and stamina. In doing that I discouraged myself. It didn’t take me long to realize that the only person I need to compare myself to is the person I was yesterday. 

To compare myself to an author who has been writing for 20 years is unfair. We are each on a journey. And we are all on different phases of that journey. It is fine to be inspired by someone, but to be jealous of someone else’s success is detrimental to my own success.

When I was first married, I couldn’t understand why my husband didn't look at me the way my grandparents looked at each other. It made me question the strength of my marriage. Then one day I realized that it takes years of struggles, heartaches, and time to get to the level of love they shared. Love grows over time, and I just needed to give my marriage time to grow and prosper. 

If we only share our victories with others then we prevent them from seeing the beauty of the struggle. People need to see our hardships, and how we overcome them. And we need to realize that whether or not someone shares their trials, does not change the fact that they still went through them. 

So often people comment that they admire my strength and wish they could be more like me. Having an easy life, however, did not develop my strength. It comes from crawling through the trenches with my Lord. 

When we compare ourselves to others we take away from our uniqueness, and are distracted from our own journey. Don’t try to be like anyone else. Just be you! And be the absolute best possible version of yourself. 

Photo courtesy of Unsplash.

God has a plan for your life. Embrace it. And enjoy the journey. 

May God bless you, 

Candida

Why You Should Develop the Attitude of Gratitude

Do you feel gratitude in the depths of your heart and soul? Or is it something you merely say? 

It’s so easy to go through life, quickly moving from one moment to the next, without really thinking about each moment. We have what we need, and a great deal of what we want, and never stop to think about where it all comes from or to be truly grateful. 

Lots of times we develop the entitled mind-set, instead one of gratitude.

We expect to be happy, wealthy, and wise and get angry with God when it doesn’t work out, as we had envisioned. 

I remember the days when I struggled to walk. It was so hard for me to get out of bed, and even harder to walk through my house. I can honestly say that I didn't appreciate my ability to walk, until it was challenged. It was the same way with my speech. When I could barely get the words out of my mouth, I became so thankful for each one. Lying in bed for months gave me some time to think about my life. 

I soon realized that I could develop the attitude of gratitude or self-pity, but I could not have both. We can praise God or complain, but we cannot do both. 

Every morning when I woke up, right away my mind started searching for things and moments of gratitude. As my list grew, so did my ability to see my life through the lens of thankfulness. I had less to complain about because I was so focused on my blessings. And when I started digging deeper into my blessings, the more aware I became of God mercy’s and love for me. 

My perspective on many situations and circumstances changed. Especially when I really focused on my blessing. It’s one thing to be blessed, and another to realized the magnitude of those blessings. 

Imagine giving to someone constantly, but never receiving any type of thankfulness from that person. How would it make you feel? God wants us to recognize and celebrate the goodness in our life. He doesn’t like it when we complain endlessly, and only focus on the bad. 

Developing and nurturing the attitude of gratitude will help us to break the complaining cycle. 

We often complain, without even realizing that we are complaining. It's a habit that we need to become more aware of and break. (I’m still trying to break this habit.)Focusing on the bad is a recipe for disaster. The more we embrace bad thoughts, the more bad thoughts we have. The same is true for positive thoughts. Everyday we have a choice. We get to decide which ones we will nurture and which ones to dismiss. 

According to Dr. Robert Emmon's, people who are practice the attitude of gratitude are happier than those who don’t. Check out his article 10 Ways to Become More Grateful. 

Once this scar was so devastating to me. People often stare at it and even tell me to remove the rubber band from my arm before it hurts me. For many years, I tried to pray this scar away without realizing the blessing it symbolizes. The band threatened to take away my arm, but God spared it.  Now I am so grateful for this scar. It reminds me daily of His love and mercy for me. 

So what are you waiting for? Start practicing gratefulness today and allow it to change your life.  

Have a wonderful Monday!

May God bless you, 

Candida

How to Purposely Enjoy Today

Are you always worrying? Do you constantly wish your life away? Is hard for you to stay focused on today?

I know. I’ve been there, too.

For me, living with a debilitating condition is fearful. I never know the challenges each day will bring. When my alarm sounds, I don’t know if pain will greet me. And the mere thought that it will join me during some part of my day is overwhelming.

Some people comment on my strength. And assume that I get through each day with a smile and complete acceptance of my situation. The truth is, every day I have to overcome my situation—again, and again.

So what does that mean?

God only gives me enough strength for one day. While I would love to totally crush my hardships and be done with them, they are reoccurring. Pain is not something that we can totally accept and embrace. We want rid of it. It breaks us down; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

As it weakens my body and depletes my strength, I wish it wasn’t so hard. Many times I have placed my face in the floor and begged God to take it away. I’ve lain on tables while doctors and therapists worked on me and begged Him for the strength to endure the pain. When I realized the hardships would never completely go away, I asked Him to help me overcome it. And while He does, it is a daily battle.

And sometimes the battle is devastating.

Some days, it takes me forever to pick out my clothes. Due to my pelvis, I can’t wear certain pants. Depending on my balance and foot pain, it’s hard for me to wear various shoes. And the option to curl my hair or not, depends on my shoulders. Driving hurts. Writing hurts. Using a computer hurts. Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. And some days, my friends, it hurts to breathe.

When I think about a lifetime of enduring this, I’m overwhelmed.

But I have many years of experience in overcoming it. God has never left me alone. He has never said, “Make it if you can.” He has never abandoned me and left me to endure it on my own. While I would love for Him to give me enough strength to conquer it, it doesn’t work that way. He gives me just enough to get over the hardships of the moment.

Today, He blesses me with what I need. Today, He reassures my broken heart and encourages me. Today, He teaches me how to become an overcomer.

We cannot worry about tomorrow, or the next hardship. We have to live in the moment and blessing of today. If I’m living in the past or the future, I’m denying myself the beauty and wonder of today.

My success rate for getting through trials with God is 100%. He always helps me to be victorious. Pain brings me closer to God because I need Him every single moment of each day. In order to overcome my hardships, I have to trust Him with my life.

So how do I live in today?

1.    Be present in the moment.

Don’t wish your life away, but learn to live in the moment. Spend your time wisely and do something each day that matters. Purposely do something that will revive and nourish your soul.

2.    Be grateful for each day.

Every day is a gift and that is how we should treat it. We need to embrace each day with a grateful heart, and count our blessings. Search endlessly for things to be thankful for.

3.    Live, laugh, love.

So often we go through the motions of life, and neglect to really live. We need to give each day, everything we have to give. Don’t leave anything for tomorrow. God always gives us more. Go to bed exhausted and empty. And if our tomorrow doesn’t come, we can delight in the fact that we lived our last day well.

Every day God helps me through my trials, and He will help you, too. Be present, joyful and purposely have a wonderful day!

 May God bless you, 

Candida