How to Deal with Difficult People

Normally, our first reaction when someone does something to hurt or offend us is to fight. We go into our self-righteous mode and can only see one side of the story. When we only look at the situation from our viewpoint, then we fail to see the actual truth. 

Anytime that I yell or fight, it is because I am hurting inside. I have acted ridiculous over something completely silly before because I had suppressed my true emotion about something else. But at the time, the problem seemed huge and my reactions appeared logical. If only I had stepped back and examined the situation, then I would have been able to see the situation differently. Therefore, I would have reacted differently. 

When I’m stressed, grieving, hurt, tired, etc. everything appears worse than it actually is. This is when I make a mountain out of a molehill, as the old saying goes. I react to everything and everyone, without really pondering my actions or feelings. If I wake up mad, and don’t do anything to change my mood, then I will more than likely snap at everyone in my path. When we think, what is wrong with everyone else? Then that is generally a good indication that the problem is within us. 

I worked with a lady once who bullied everyone in the office. She tried to keep trouble stirred up continuously. It was as if she loved to fight. But then one day she came into the office badly beaten. Her husband often beat her. It broke my heart. In that moment, I stopped seeing her as just a bully, and was able to see that she hurting inside. Fighting was all she knew. Someone was mean to her, so she in turn was mean to everyone else. It’s a cycle and the only thing that will stop the cycle is love. 

When we learn to react out of love, instead of anger, then we will be able to make a difference in the lives of those who are hurting, as well as our own life. Instead of talking about them and treating them badly, we need to take them to the Lord in prayer. When we bow our heads and ask our Father to help them, then we will be able to break the cycle of bad behavior with love. When we offer kindness to the ones who treat us the worst, then we give them a little glimpse of our God. 

In the garden, as the soldiers were wrongfully arresting Jesus, Peter lifted his sword and cut off the ear of one of soldiers. Jesus told him not to fight. Then, He healed the soldier’s ear. Later, after they had beaten him, stabbed in the side, placed a crown of thorns on His head, and mocked Him, Jesus asked God to forgive them. 

Before we react to any situation, we need to ask ourselves a few questions:

1. Are you acting out of love?
2. Are your feelings true or are you making the situation worse than it actually is?
3. What does God say about your situation? Have you prayed?
4. Are you acting according to your beliefs?

When we teach ourselves to pause and evaluate our situation before we react, then we will learn to handle our trials and hardships better. We need to learn to guard our inner peace. Our enemy constantly puts stumbling blocks in our way. The only way that we can get around his devices without stumbling and falling, is if we allow God to lead us. 

Have a wonderful day!

Candida 

Overcoming the Struggle

Some days I have great thoughts and I’m able to articulate them well. I have a plan and know exactly what I’m going to write about. Today, however, is not one of those days. My thoughts are all over the place, and a defeated feeling has settled into me. And I thought, as I sat down at my computer and looked at the blank screen, I can’t possibly blog today. But if I wait until the perfect moment, it may not come. 

This is real life. While it might not be pretty, it is honest. And God often uses our struggles to help others. So my friend, if you are struggling, please know that you are not alone. 

Every day feels like a battle anymore. It’s hard for me to get out of bed at 5 a.m. It’s hard to read my Bible, pray, write, exercise, and do the things that will ultimately move me toward my goal. It’s especially hard when I’m distracted and overwhelmed. The moment I get in the defeated and stressed mind-set, the enemy has power of me. And it all seems impossible. 

But when I pray, the devil has to flee. My enemy cannot withstand my tears. My tears are a direct link to God. And He understands them. He understands my temptations, my failures, my heartaches, and my efforts. God knows the very desires of my heart. And He loves me. Especially on the days when I’m struggling. He doesn’t put His foot on me and yell at me. God doesn’t say mean things to me. He opens His arms and beckons for me to come to Him. In His arms I find peace, love, and so much strength.

As I dry my eyes, there is a renewed strength in my soul. God is with me always. In my weakness, He is made strong. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that we need Him to fight our battles. We can’t fight the devil on our own. 

I am so thankful to be a child of the King! And to serve a God that is always there for me. My words fail in comparison to His greatness. 

May God bless you, 

Candida

Do You Need Daily Encouragement?

I have a confession to make. Fear has prevented me from promoting my new book the way I wanted to. 

Writing is hard. Writing personal stories from the very depths of the heart is even harder. But sharing those vulnerable moments is down right grueling. 

I hate the vulnerability of sharing my thoughts, heartaches, and trials with others. It makes me feel like the girl who shoved her hands in her pockets and was so afraid to be herself. And so I have allowed the fear to silence me. In doing that my heart breaks for the failure of not serving the Lord and allowing the devil to steal my dreams. 

So today I want to be brave. 

God gives me so many beautiful thoughts. He leads me and guides me and helps me to overcome every hardship that I encounter. Each time I go through a trial with my Lord, I come out of it a different person. Stronger, wiser, more compassionate, and I have more understanding of the person I want to become and how to better serve Him. 

And I realize it is so selfish of me to not share those moments. 

We all have struggles, fear, faults and failures. It is impossible to go through life without challenges, trials, and tests. But it is possible to overcome every hardships, and then use those experiences to help others.

That’s what Despite Your Circumstances is all about. My life was challenged. God pushed me to the very edge of my strength and ability and then showed me how to become stronger and develop a warrior mind-set. At one point my body was defeated, my spirit was broken, and my mind was challenged. I will never forget that feeling. I felt so alone and afraid. No one knew what was happening to me, and I feared the worst. All I wanted was for someone to tell me so badly that it would be okay. And then show me how to overcome my victim mind-set.

Once my mind-set transformed from victim to overcomer, I was able to fight back. During the most difficult time in my life, I realized I am far stronger than I ever imagined. Strength does not come from accomplishing what we believe possible, but rather from accomplishing that which we originally believed was impossible. 

God has blessed me so greatly, and I want to show my appreciation by sharing my knowledge with others. Since my theme word for 2015 is GIVE, I want to give you an entire month of encouragement. I have created an online Facebook event for this purpose. Each day I will post something encouraging in the event and I would truly love it if you would do the same. We can help each other. And develop the right mind-set to make 2016 our best year yet. 

Because I am stepping out in faith, I don’t have it all planned out, but I trust God to help me, so I can help you. 

Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do. But without your help, I can’t accomplish my dreams. 

Will you please buy my book and help me make this book successful? And consider buying one for a friend also? I wrote it with prayers, tears, and God’s guiding hand. I truly owe all the credit to Him. Please join me for my first ever online event (it’s free) and invite your family and friends to join us as well. Together we can learn how to live well—despite our circumstances. 

About Despite Your Circumstances

Despite Your Circumstances shows us the power of the mind as it embraces a positive and thankful attitude, and demonstrates how to build a rich life filled with meaning and joy. The author uses seemingly impossible situations in her life to prove that you can be an overcomer despite your circumstances.

A sample chapter and options to buy the book is available here. You can also buy an autographed copy by emailing me at candidasullivan@yahoo.com. 

What others had to say:

"With raw vulnerability, Candida brings us into her world of physical and psychological hardships.  She shows us how she, with the help and strong faith in God, transcends her limitations and goes for the possibilities.  Despite Your Circumstances shows us the power of the mind as it embraces an attitude of positivity and gratitude and shows us how we can build a rich life filled with meaning and joy beyond our challenging circumstances."

Harriet Cabelly, Social Worker & Life Coach at Rebuild Life Now

"Candida's book Despite Your Circumstances beautifully illustrates the human struggle to overcome circumstances beyond our control. The transformative power of God's love and radical acceptance leap off the pages."

Jason Kishpaugh, LPC-MHSP, Licensed Professional Mental Health Counselor

"I love how this book encourages us all to defeat the negative thoughts and change them to positive, God thoughts.  This is a true lesson on how to transform your perspective on life circumstances."

Beth Stewart, founder of Triumphant Living radio ministry, CEO of Beth Stewart Ministries, and author of Dreams NEVER Expire

"This book will forever change your perspective by showing you how to shift your thinking to live a positive victorious life empowered by God. It will challenge you to rise above circumstances and remind you that as you think, so shall it be."

Terri Meredith, Terri Meredith Ministries

Hope to see you there, 

Candida Sullivan

Gift of Hope: Do You Embrace Your Purpose?

Several years ago, I endured the darkest time of my life. My body was plagued with pain, I wasn’t able to work, and my heart ached, continuously. During the day, I tried to put my misery aside and care for my home and children, but at night I cried until all of my tears were gone. Every night, alone on my deck, I talked to God and cried. My misery stemmed from my unwillingness to do His work and my rejection of His purpose for me.

I didn’t want to be scarred or to live in constant pain. Fighting every day to do simple tasks wasn’t what I wanted for my life. Yes, I wanted to be an author, but I wanted to be funny, and only write fictional stories that excluded any similarity to my life. Opening my heart and sharing my deepest heartaches was NEVER part of my dreams. It was, however, the desire of my heart. I just didn’t know it yet.

God was so patient with me through the process. Every time my heart began searching for understanding, God was there to instruct me. He comforted me as I cried, and gave me the encouragement, faith, and courage to keep going.

I will never forget the moment, when my heart asked Him why. Some viewed me as burden, fluke of nature, defect, etc. and even made comments that my scars were a punishment. Seeing the disgust on their faces made me feel even worse about myself. While some people believed that I should have never questioned God, I needed a new perspective about my scars. In most situations, there are two perspectives: spiritual and scientific. Since no one could satisfy me with the scientific explanation, I desired to know the spiritual reasoning.

Did God, in fact, have a reason for my scars?

One night, as I sat on the deck God gave me a glimpse of my scars’ purpose. A light shined upon my hands and extended from them. At first this vision scared me, and I closed my eyes. I rubbed my eyes, and breathed deeply. But when I opened them the light was still shining on my hands and I could feel His spirit in my heart. God showed me that my hands would give others hope. Sometimes it is so comforting to know that we are not alone in our journey.  And in that moment my feelings about my scars changed. My whole life I had been ashamed of my scars and tried to pray them away, but when the light faded I saw them with a different understanding. I was not punished with scars, but blessed with life—to love and be loved. My situation could have turned out differently. The bands could have wrapped around my body and taken my life, but God spared me. Since that day I have never looked at them the same way. I’m so thankful God blessed me to live. And for the beautiful testimony He placed in my heart to explain them.

Some people hate the word inspiration, and believe it is a form of pity. I believe it is a gift from God. Anytime that He will allow me to inspire another life is priceless. According to the definition in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to inspire is a :  to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural inspiration. In my opinion, we should all strive to live an inspired life. 

My son captured this picture of my sister and me at an event. The first thing I saw was the light on my hands. As the tears fell from my eyes, I remembered that moment with God on my deck. Regardless of what people think of me, I know this is my purpose. As long as there is breath in my body, I pray that I will do His work and live my life for Him. To give others hope, when they feel hopeless, is a beautiful gift—it’s priceless.

Do you have a group, school, or event that you feel would benefit from hearing my story of hope? If so, please email me at candidasullivan@yahoo.com. 

May God bless you,

Candida Sullivan