Scars and Stares: How to Overcome Living With Scars

People stare at me. Some drop my change in horror and others pity me. But the rude questions and comments are by far the hardest to endure. One person asked me how I could love a God that had done this to me. A stranger told me that if her baby was like me and had Amniotic Band Syndrome, she would abort it. Moments like these are hard to endure. I’ve lashed out with anger, and shot daggers out my eyes. I’ve had my heart blessed numerous times, and cried many tears because of the cruelty of others. But at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what other people think of me. It’s how I view myself that matters.

For so many years, I hid my scars. I didn’t want anyone to stare at me, question me, or even know about my differences. Somewhere along the way, a sense of shame had overcome me. When I looked in the mirror, all I could see was scars. I expected people to stare at me and I watched for those stares. Then the most amazing thing happened to me.

God helped me to overcome my scars. Accept them. Love them. And, finally, embrace them.

It happened the moment I realized that I could have died. Some babies don’t survive the attack of the amniotic bands. But I was spared for a reason. God gave me my scars for a purpose. Acceptance is a powerful gift. Now my scars no longer have the ability to hurt me.

People are always going to stare at me, but I’ve stopped looking for those stares. It doesn’t matter to me. Let them stare. I truly hope, while I have their undivided attention that I can give them a glimpse of my Lord. When people ask me numerous questions, I desire to tell them about my wonderful God and how good He is to me. When strangers approach me, I hope that I can give them a glimpse of the person underneath the scars. In God’s eyes we are all the same, and He loves us.

I can’t change the behavior of others. Regardless of what I do, I can’t stop someone was staring at me or lashing out with cruel words. I can, however, choose how I react to it. Kindness is a universal language. Perhaps it will have no influence on the person treating me badly, but it will have a profound effect on me.

We should all learn to accept and embrace our own differences and uniqueness as a gift from God. Outwardly we might have a different appearance, or different gifts, but our spirit is the same. We are like God because He lives in us.  And we need to love ourselves—always.

We need to treat others the way we want to be treated. I’ve had people call me disabled to my face and say things like, ‘It’s really great that you can do that with your disability’. At first it was extremely hard for me. Now I know if someone treats me badly, it is a reflection of them not me. And instead of getting mad at them, I should pray for them.

So how do I wish people would treat me? What do I want them to know about living with scars caused by Amniotic Band Syndrome?

Honestly, I wish that more people would look beyond my scars and see me. Underneath the scars is someone who loves God, family, friends, and life. My life has been filled with pain, but also the overcoming of it. I am not a victim, but an overcomer. Some days I feel overwhelmed by trying to adapt to this world, but so grateful for my beautiful life. Sometimes I cry through my workouts, but I don’t complain. I pray every day because I couldn’t make it without my Lord, and I want to thank Him for always helping me. Given the choice, I wouldn’t trade my scars for anything in this world. They have taught me through my weakness that God is my strength. Regardless of the battle, giving up is never an option. I am capable of so much more than I ever realized. Being scarred has taught me about kindness and compassion, and how to treat other people.

When people look at me, I hope that they see a window to God. Through my life, overcoming the struggles and pain, I hope to shine a light to Him. I desire to reflect His goodness and help others who are struggling. In all reality, I am an ambassador for God. Through my life, hope, and faith, I desire to give others a glimpse of my wonderful God. And maybe, just maybe they will give their heart to Him as well.

When I reflect on all He has blessed me to overcome and all of the amazing blessings He has given me, I know that there is absolutely nothing missing in my life. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. God formed me exactly how He wanted me to be, and I am satisfied with being me. My friends, I pray that you will accept your own scars, love them, and embrace them. Without my scars, none of these wonderful opportunities would have been possible. 

May God bless you,

Candida

The Connection: How Our Stories Inspire Others

One of the greatest experiences of my life is when I open my heart and share my story with others. The moment I allow others to glimpse inside my soul, where the heartache and battles have occurred, I become vulnerable. God uses the bond of heartache, faith, compassion, overcoming, and etcetera to inspire hope. The hope that someone has been in our shoes and defeated the enemy is what transpires a defeated heart.  

The Bible is filled with stories of overcoming. All down through time, God has used His people to inspire others and give them a glimpse of Him. We need to continue in His ways. We have all struggled in some way, at some point in our lives. Once we receive the victory of overcoming, we should never forget the battle or neglect to share it.

We don’t know who around is hurting. The depth of their pain is often disguised. Not everyone shares their feelings. I know this from experience.

As a child, I bottled all of the negativity inside of me. Instead of nurturing good thoughts, I embraced the cruel words spoken to me. I didn’t share my struggles of being bullied, or the pain of living with scars.  The heartache continued to build inside of me, until I felt so overwhelmed and hopeless. Often times, I would stare at my reflection and repeat the same cruel words to myself.

Even during the darkest times of my life, God has always blessed me with a spark of hope. He has been with me as I walked through the valleys of despair and guided me along the path of victory. Each time we encounter a battle, and defeat the enemy, it sets up a stone of overcoming for us. When the next battle emerges, God reminds us of the previous battles we have defeated, and that inspires hope for us.

Hope is a beautiful gift! As long as we have hope, we have all we need to keep going. But sometimes our hope dims through the difficulty of the battles, and we need someone else to shine us their light of hope. We need to reflect God in everything we do.

So often, as a child, I wished for someone who would understand my pain and be able to help me—without me having to admit my heartaches. That is why I write books that are so personal. By sharing my pain and fears, faults and failures, faith and courage, and battles and victories, I’m able to connect with those who are hurting and going through similar battles. Sometimes all we need to know is that someone else has walked a mile in our shoes, and overcome the enemy. I’ve had people contact me, after reading one of my books, and ask me if I wrote the book specifically for them. That is powerful!

So I would like to give you one of my e-books. Perhaps it will speak to your heart as well.

Underneath the Scars is the free e-book for today, August 22, 2015. Hope you take a moment to download your copy and then share the link with your friends so they can download it as well.

Underneath the Scars is a journey of emotional and spiritual healing associated with physical deformities. You will laugh, cry, and reflect as Candida shares her story and the woman underneath her scars.

http://smile.amazon.com/Underneath-Scars-Candida-Sullivan-ebook/dp/B006T3HLEK/ref=sr_1_3_twi_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1429363327&sr=8-3&keywords=candida+sullivan

 If you don’t have a kindle, there is a Kindle app for computers: https://www.amazon.com/gp/digital/fiona/kcp-landing-page?ie=UTF8&ref_=kcp_pc_mkt_lnd

May God bless you,

Candida

Saying Goodbye: What I Learned About Death

It is NEVER easy to say goodbye to a loved one. Regardless of the situation, we harbor the hope that they will get better. We can’t imagine our lives without their smile, laughter, and love. And that is what breaks our hearts.

For months, I’ve watched my Mamaw suffer. A disease, which affected her brain, took her away from me. She no longer remembered my name, my children, or even that she was my Mamaw. But God blessed us to share smiles, and glimpses of understanding— every once in awhile.

As I stayed with her in the hospital, I witnessed her strength. Even though she suffered greatly, she didn’t complain. She handled it all with such grace. Once when she couldn’t even talk she hummed, and I knew that God was comforting her.

Then we got the call that all families dread; the one where they explain the options and then talk about precious time. We all have an appointed time with death. And nothing can stop it. Not even love or prayers. As I sat in her room and watched her fade away, I thought about life and death. In that moment, nothing about this world mattered. Money, education, friends, or family could not stop it from happening. When we near the end of this life, all that truly matters is our soul, and where we chose to spend eternity.

We always think we have more time. One moment we might be just fine, and in the next instant, the doctors might be telling our family that we won’t make it through the day. We don’t have the promise of tomorrow or even the next breath. Now is the time to get things fixed with God. We are all just passing through this world. It’s not our home. This is the place where we get ready for Eternity. And He lets us decide. That is the most powerful decision we will ever make. Somewhere, at some time in our life, we will realize just how badly we need God. In our dying hour, will He embrace us as we have embraced Him, or turn away from us as we turned away from Him?

Even though my heart broke as my Mamaw passed away, my heart also rejoiced for her. My tears and grief are for me, not her. Nothing or no one can ever hurt her again. She is resting in the arms of the Lord. She chose God, and He was with her—until the very end of her natural life. Now she will spend Eternity with Him. And that makes me so happy.

While I may not have all the answers or completely understand it all, I do know that this verse comforts me.  

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5 KJV

May God bless you, 

Candida 

I Don’t Care: The Lies of Self-destruction

Several years ago, this became my daily saying, “I don’t care.” Everything that was going wrong in my life was replaced with this mantra.

Realization: I’ve gained weight

Response: I don’t care. Life is too short to eat “diet food”.

Realization: I’m not happy with my job.

Response: I don’t care. I tried to go back to school, but no one would help me.

Realization: I don’t feel like I have a friend in the world

Response: If people don’t like me, it’s their loss. I don’t care.

Regardless of my problem, I was the victim. It was always someone else’s fault. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. Nor did I realize that I was depressed. I had turned cold and bitter, and shut nearly everyone out—including God.

One morning, I was able to break through to myself. As I tried to squeeze into my favorite jeans, I tore a gaping hole in them. I tried to tell myself that I really didn’t care, but as I looked in the mirror I realized that I did care. Very much.

As the restrained tears fell, I realized that I was overwhelmed physically, mentally, and spiritually. Yes, I went to church, but I didn’t serve God nor worship Him. Yes, I had gained some weight, but it was more than that. I didn’t like the person underneath it all. And then I discovered the most important part; it was no one’s fault but my own. I continuously made bad choices, and created a perfect storm of misery for myself.

Once I was ready to ask for forgiveness and more forward, God was there to help me. He helped me to change my mind-set. In my experience and knowledge, it is impossible to be happy without God being the center of our life. When we focus on Him; seeking His knowledge, wisdom, and understanding then we are able to truly live.

Climbing out of the depression hole was extremely hard. I had to change my thoughts and my daily routine. Ignoring my problems did not make them go away. In fact, it added to my problems and made them multiply. Being honest was imperative. It was necessary for me to peel back the layers on my heartaches, and dig to the very bottom of my grief.

Even though God had already forgiven me, I had to forgive myself and become my own best friend. Next, I had to tune into my inner self and discover what I needed to move forward in my life. And that is what I want to share with you.

·    **   We all need total acceptance of ourselves. We have to realize that God created us for a purpose; His  purpose, and we need to seek Him until we discover it.

·   **     We need unconditional love, for others as well as ourselves. God is love. The more we exhibit His  love, the more love we will welcome into our own lives.

·   * *  The “I don’t care lifestyle” is of no benefit to anyone. God gives us all a unique and beautiful life.  It’s up to us whether we accept and nurture His gift or waste it.

·  * *  People can only hurt us if we allow them to. When the broken are lashing out, they need our  understanding, forgiveness, prayers, and love.

The devil wants our lives. He wants to destroy us all. God, on the other hand, wants us to enjoy our lives. Imagine being in a cage with the devil. Would you fight for your life? Or simply lie down and accept defeat?

Fight, my friends—with everything inside of you! Not with others, but with the enemy inside of you. Fight for your happiness. Fight for your own acceptance. And fight for your life. Don’t allow the enemy to win.

It makes me sad for all of the moments of my life that I wasted and missed. Now I’m genuinely happy. I no longer go through the motions of my life, but everyday I’m learning how to live—with love and gratitude in my heart and peace in my soul.  

May God bless you,

Candida

Would you like to subscribe to my mailing list? If so, fill out the form here.

God Turned My Suffering into Joy

While we all have tribulations, we serve a God who will help us overcome them all.

February 2013 changed my life. I woke up one morning to discover numbness and tingling in my legs. The sensations felt odd and painful. My feet were cold, my legs trembled as I walked, and pain attacked with each movement. Right away I went to my doctor, but my body did not respond well to the treatment.

As I lay in my bed and rested, I was absolutely terrified. Not only did I have problems in my legs and back, but my speech was slurred and my head throbbed. My throat hurt, and a fog of confusion covered my brain. My words would not come out right and my body hurt all over.

One night, during the worst of it, I begged God to give me the strength to continue serving Him. Regardless of my condition or suffering, I wanted to use it for His honor and glory. At this same time, my son was being bullied and I was trying to figure out how to help him through it. As I cried myself to sleep numerous nights, a little story filled my heart. Instead of focusing on my suffering, I focused on Zippy and how he could make a difference in the world.

As God inspired me to write about Zippy, I used the words in the book to help my son. And I remembered how it felt to be bullied myself— the times as a child that I prayed and asked God to send someone to help me. Sometimes all we need is hope. It makes a difference to our hearts to know that someone else has walked in our shoes and overcame the hardships.

Right before Zippy’s Club came out, my hopes and dreams were threatened. A doctor declared that I was disabled and urged me to sign up for a disability check. God, however, gave me hope that I would get better. He gave me scriptures and strength to keep trying, and a plan to make it happen. Instead of disability, I signed up for the gym, went on a gluten/dairy free diet, and focused on being well.

Now I smile as I reflect on that time in my life. The enemy will steal our dreams if we allow it. Because I didn’t give up, Zippy’s Club was turned into a play, Zippy has his own theme song, and this February my book was nominated for the 2015 Christian Small Publishers Association Book of the Year Award. And I have a new book coming out "Despite Your Circumstances", about my hardships and how God helped me overcome them all, to encourage others. God always turns my heartaches into blessings. 

My God is so good to me! He knew all of the good things He had planned for me and my life. And yet He gave me a choice. He let me decide if I wanted to give up or keep trying. Most often times we give up, when the blessing is right around the corner.

Whatever your struggle or heartache, don’t give up on yourself or God. This is your life! Don’t let the devil steal your joy. God has good things for us all, if only we learn to endure and embrace the hardships without giving up.

Would you please take a moment and vote for Zippy's Club? http://www.christianpublishers.net/15votes/ All you have to do is click on the link, enter your name, email address, and then select my book. Once you do that you can scroll to the very bottom and cast your vote. Thank you so much for taking a moment to do this for me!! Your kindness is greatly appreciated! 

Please share this link with your family and friends and ask them to vote as well. * Only one vote per person allowed.

Embrace Your Uniqueness: We Are All Perfectly Imperfect

Stare and whispers have always been a part of my life. Sometimes, however, people even approach me and take their rudeness to whole new level. Strangers have actually come up to me, without smiling or even introducing themselves, and asked me about my scars. People have yelled at me, grabbed my hands, and told me repeatedly to remove the band on my arm. If only it was that easy.

It took me most of my life to learn how to overcome the rudeness of others. After an incident, I would always feel bad for a few days and even withdraw from my life. Then I would have to restart the process of convincing myself that I wasn’t broken, or a monster all over again.

Now after an encounter, I brush it off quickly. I have learned to just bless their heart. They are the ones with the problem—not me. But I also want to educate others on how to treat me. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Regardless of their ugly behavior, I will not allow them to make me act ugly as well.  

It took me a long time to understand that when someone treats me badly it reveals their flaws, not mine. I already know that I’m not perfect. And I accept that. I also recognize that not everyone will like me. We cannot make other people love or accept us. However, if we love ourselves no one else’s opinion will matter. Just be you!

Once I accepted my imperfections, my scars transformed. They were no longer shameful or ugly. But God blessed me to see them for what they really are. Each one represents my gift of life. When I look at them I can see the attacks on my body, and how close I came to death.

In that moment, I decided to own my scars. I no longer hide them or try to pray them away. God gave them to me for a reason and they have helped me discover my purpose. Part of that purpose is for me to help others see their beauty as well and learn to embrace their life—scars and imperfections.

Recently, I had someone approach me at an event and tell me that my scars were no big deal to anyone around me because I didn’t make a big deal out of them. When we accept and embrace our differences, other people will, too.

And another thing, I’ve stopped looking for those stares. I smile and hold my head up. After all, I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. And if I notice someone staring, I give them my best smile and a little glimpse of the woman underneath the scars. I’ve had people to tell me that when I smile they can see God in me. How amazing is that?

How do embrace your uniqueness? 

   

My Beautiful Life

Last week I had something shake my world. It was so heartbreaking that I couldn’t even talk about it. Through my tears and prayers, God blessed me to open my eyes and heart and consider a different perspective.

With the advancement in medical technology, limb differences or other conditions are often discovered before birth. Doctors offer abortion as an option for limb different children, and some parents choose that option. When I heard this, I became so upset. Reflecting on my own life and scars made the situation personal to me.

While I realize the experience I’m about to share is not the same, I’d like to share it anyway because of the lessons learned.

A few years ago, my family and I welcomed a kitten into our home. We all instantly fell in love with Rex. He captivated us with his loving nature. And then one day, something horrible happened. He started having seizures. We immediately took him to his doctor and received medication to help him. It worked for a while, but the seizures intensified. When they occurred, I cowardly left my husband to deal with them. One night, however, Rex was so bad that we didn’t think he would survive. The seizures happened one after another. My family was asleep and I sat with him. I started to leave him, but then I remembered what my daddy had always told me. “Be there for people when they need you.” Rex needed me. So I knelt by his side, petted him, and talked him through it.

He survived the violent attacks, but his body was so weak. We had to feed him with a syringe. He couldn’t walk and was dazed by it all. One day I walked into the room and found him lying in his litter box with his eyes closed. So I began to talk to him. It looked as if he had decided to give up. I begged and pleaded for him to get up and fight his way back to me. And he did. It took him several attempts to get up, but he managed. Then he staggered out of the box and went to his food and ate a few bites. He showed me another degree of strength.

The worst, however, was not over. Once he regained his awareness, he didn’t remember us and attacked us. He growled and hissed when we walked by him. We were advised to have him put down. And I remembered how hard he fought to live. How could I possibly take the life that fought so hard to live? When we refused that option, he was given a new medication that helped him. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

He survived the trauma, but not without scars. Sometimes we are blessed with scars to remind us of the trauma we survived. For Rex, it is brain damage. He doesn’t want us to pet him, nor play very often. He only eats a certain food, and usually hides or stares into the distance. But every once in awhile, it’s as if he remembers us and allows us to love him. For us that’s enough. He is safe and well. And we love him unconditionally.

My kids wanted him to have a Zippy book so he could learn to celebrate his difference. 

He is not normal, nor will he ever be. Nevertheless, I can’t hate him or turn my back on him because he’s different. He can’t help what happened to him. The doctors couldn’t explain the reason. Sometimes God gives us a miracle to remind us of His greatness. Whether it’s a kitten with brain damage or someone with limb differences, God uses them to teach us. 

All of my limbs are affected. The Amniotic Bands attacked me in my mom’s womb. I have the scars to remind me of the trauma. For whatever reason, God blessed me to survive. He knew my struggles would be many, and yet He blessed me with the beautiful gift of life.

Every day, I’m so grateful for His mercy.

No one willingly chooses hardships. We all want the easy button. As a little girl, I prayed every single night for new hands and a life without scars.  That wasn’t God’s purpose for me. His plan for me and my life was so much greater than to simply be unscarred.

While this might not be the life I wanted for myself, it is better than I could have ever imagined. Through my hardships, I have learned how to live—not just exist. My personal experiences have touched others and inspired so many people—with and without limb differences.

My life is not just about me! I’m perfectly imperfect. If given the choice, I would keep my scars and all of the hardships they bring me every day because my suffering cannot be compared to my joy.  

At the end of the day, I’m so thankful for my beautiful life. My husband of 16 years adores me and spoils me rotten, and my children brighten my life. Not only do I get to write children’s books about celebrating our differences, but I get to share them with children and help them along their journey. People from all over the world have befriended me. And my family loves me unconditionally. As I go through my life, I can’t find anything that is missing. Each and every part is filled with tremendous love. Is there anything greater than love? 

The Survivor: How I found acceptance through Zippy

I will never forget the horrid feeling of being bullied. Words, sharp as knives, swiped at me over and over until it felt as if I would crumble. I remember trying to escape the pain and running to my safe haven. Looked inside a bathroom stall at school, restrained tears fell and begged God for help.

Scarred and ashamed, I believed the nasty words. When the bully yelled that I was ugly, it just confirmed what my heart already thought. And when they made fun of my scars, I had tried to pray away, my heart broken into a million pieces. Their words were so devastating and heartbreaking because I had already thought the same things daily. Even though the pain was unbearable, I kept it locked inside me. I didn’t want to share my feelings or heartache with anyone.

The day I looked into a coffin of a child, who had taken her own life, my feelings changed and my heart decided to do something to help. Years prior that could have been me. There was a time when I begged God to remove me from my pain—when I no longer wanted to live.

In my efforts to help others, I penned a children’s book about a little zebra without stripes.

But I couldn’t get it right. One million drafts later, God opened my eyes and allowed me to see things differently. When I finally wrote the ending, a lifetime of burdens and heartaches were destroyed. My scars and condition no longer hurt me. Acceptance is powerful. It transforms our heartaches into blessings.

My scars were no longer a burden, but beautiful blessings. God did not curse me with scars. He blessed me with life. The only thing about my life that changed was how I viewed it. We can cry over all of the things we don’t have, or we can learn to be thankful for our unique blessings. Sometimes we put too much thought into what we want for our lives ,and fail to see that God has a greater purpose for us. All I wanted was unscarred hands, arm, and foot, but God gave me so much more.

Every day I’m thankful to be alive and for the opportunity to raise my children. I’m so thankful to go into schools and promote kindness and encourage everyone to celebrate their differences and life. My scars have transformed me into a stronger person. I’m more compassionate and willing to help others along their journey.

I have learned that words and actions can only hurt us if we allow them to. Stares and whispers no longer have any control over me. All a stranger might see is my scars, but it is up to me to show them my heart. If they are staring at me that just means I have their undivided attention, and should use that moment to reflect God.

I know that every single day comes with challenges and obstacles, but I’m so grateful for each one. If given the choice, I would keep my scars. And I pray every day God will bless me to help someone in some way.

 “Zippy and the Stripes of Courage” is free on Amazon June 22, 23, and 24 only. I sincerely hope that you will download your free copy and share the information with others. You never know who might be struggling with their own issues and would benefit from reading Zippy’s story. 

http://www.amazon.com/Zippy-Stripes-Courage-ebook/dp/B0079LCLDM/ref=sr_1_4_title_1_kin?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371903964&sr=1-4&keywords=Candida+Sullivan

It can be downloaded on the kindle, kindle app for iPhone and iPad, or your computer using the free kindle app.

While I’m no poet, this poem slipped out.

The Survivor

Past….

Scarred and ashamed
Filled with pain
Afraid to live
Bound by fears

 

Present….

God and acceptance
Squelched the bonds
Purpose and thankfulness
Transformed the inside

 

Future…

Now a window to God
Inspiring and helping others
A testimony of power
Reflecting God’s ultimate plan

 

Perseverance and Determination by Amanda Romero

We all need some inspiration from time to time! So I decided to dedicate the month of April to “Overcoming Circumstances” on my blog.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would love to introduce you to Amanda Romero!

 

My name is Amanda Romero and I was born with Amniotic Band Syndrome. And to put that in very simple terms, it’s like putting a lot of rubber bands on a fetus’ digits/limbs while they’re still forming in the womb. My fingers and toes are affected, and I have a band on my right leg. I’ve had a lot of surgeries to help separate my fingers and toes to give me the most use from what I had.

 

 

Throughout my life, my mom has been my number one fan always encouraging me to do what I wanted to. She was there to wipe the tears off my face when I was bullied at school, and she was always the first to tell me “Don’t ever say you can’t do something because you can do it if you put your mind to it.” But this story is the one exception where she didn’t have the “you can” attitude.

 

When I was in second grade, I was introduced to musical instruments. The minute my eyes saw the violin and my ears heard it I was in love. That day, I begged my mom to sign me up for music lessons. I wanted to learn how to play the violin. That was probably one situation that she didn’t want to be in: encouraging me while trying to face reality and the probability that I might fail. She told me no, she didn’t think it was possible for me to learn how to play the violin.

 

When middle school came around, I had the opportunity to sign up for choir/art, or I could learn to play an instrument. Knowing that my mom was not going to support me, I signed up for beginning orchestra behind her back. When she found out, she went to my grandparents for support. You’d be surprised to hear that they supported her and not me. They tried very hard to talk me out of it. I was just setting myself up for heartache and failure. Looking back on it, I know they were just trying to protect me. I mean, look at my hands; it doesn’t even look possible that I could play an instrument.

On back-to-school night, I had the opportunity to meet my future music teacher. Knowing that no one was supporting me so far and that I would need her cooperation if I was going to learn, I went up to talk to her. I kind of shoved my hands in her face and told her I wanted to learn how to play the violin. “Will you teach me?” And she said, “Yes, we’ll work with what you have.” That was the first positive feedback I received from an adult in response to me wanting to learn how to play the violin.

 

Fast-forward to the future, I can play the violin, viola, bass, and piano. I realize I will never be an expert pianist because my fingers are lacking in length, and I’ll probably never be able to compete with the expert musicians (but neither can half the people who know how to play something – so I don’t really feel bad). But my accomplishments in middle and high school show my perseverance and determination to do something I wanted to do. One of my greatest accomplishments was playing third chair in the first violins for my district symphony. I don’t actively practice the string instruments nowadays, but I always look back on this struggle as one of my greatest accomplishments. And my mom is back in my corner believing I can do whatever I set my mind to.

 

www.manda-rae-reads.com

 

The Accident by Christine Hickman

We all need some inspiration from time to time! So I decided to dedicate the month of April to “Overcoming Circumstances” on my blog.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would love to introduce you to Christine Hickman!

You would think that living with a physical barrier would shape someone for the worse; when in reality mine has done just the opposite. My name is Christine Hickman, and I overcame a horrific ATV accident in 2008. I was riding passenger on a Cub Cadet vehicle when three of my friends and I flipped the vehicle. Being the only one with my seatbelt on; I was trapped. The bar on the side of the vehicle trapped my right leg under the Cub Cadet. This resulted in my right leg being crushed from the knee down.

Waking up in the hospital I knew my life would be different. I had no idea how different it really would end up being.

Not wanting to fall behind in my classes I struggled to finish high school with my peers. All I wanted was to walk across the stage with the same group I had went through school with. I pushed myself to the limit to go through physical therapy and keep up with my schoolwork. Graduating in the top 5% of my class, and actually walking across the stage was the highlight of my recovery.

I have had five reconstructive surgeries, months of physical therapy, and many days of wanting to give up over the past five years to be able to walk again today.  I am still recovering physically, but I have grown tremendously mentally and spiritually. If I learned anything from my experiences as a handicap teenager, it would be that it is okay to be different. Sometimes it takes being in a wheel chair to get a different view of the world.

I would not change one thing that has happened to me over the past five years. People may stare and point at my scar, but I know what it took to be able to wear this scar with pride. Being different is a blessing in disguise.

 I know I have been able to experience life, and I will never take a day for granted. The growth I have taken from my experience has shaped me into a woman I would have never dreamed of becoming before my accident. Sometimes it takes a life-changing incident to make you realize what you are truly capable of.

Let Them Stare! by Meg Zucker

We all need some inspiration from time to time! So I decided to dedicate the month of April to “Overcoming Circumstances”.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would love to introduce you to Meg Zucker.

Let Them Stare! by Meg Zucker

Those stares!  No matter how many years I’ve endured the uninvited attention, and even learned to brush it off, I still sometimes find myself surprised at how unabashedly some people will gape at me.   And while I’d like to think it’s because I’m so gorgeous, I don’t kid myself.   I know they often fixate on me because I look quite different from the norm.  That’s to be expected.  But what I didn’t expect was that along the way, I might begin to inspire others to be less self-conscious.

I am a wife, mother to three children, working lawyer, and woman who happened to be born with ectrodactyly, a genetic condition where I only have one finger on each hand, shortened forearms and one toe on each foot.  Before I arrived, no one else in my family was born with ectrodactyly.  In fact, with no one around me missing any digits, I didn’t even think it was a condition.  Somehow I just naively assumed that this was not genetic and merely a one-off fluke, or perhaps while she was pregnant my mom ate some bad fish?  Yet, whatever the cause (and a bad meal was not it), the hardest part of having this condition is not the condition itself, but rather the years of caring so much about what others think of me and how they might react.

For instance, I remember compiling photos for my wedding montage and realizing that in so many of my old pictures, I had hidden my hands.   It’s hard to believe, but I finally had someone willing to commit to and accept all of me, and yet I was still having trouble accepting myself.  It took a few more years as well as giving birth to two of my three children with my condition before I finally embraced my difference. 

Despite my extremely unique appearance, I feel and experience life as able-bodied as everyone else.  In fact, unless I am reminded by another, I often completely forget about it, as do my family and close friends.  I am sure of this because sometimes a friend will suggest that I join her for a manicure and I’m forced to remind her that for me, that special time together would only last about two minutes.    Close friends aside though, I am rarely allowed to forget for long.  Just the other evening, I was in Manhattan on my way home from work purchasing a cute top for a friend’s daughter at Forever 21.   As can be expected during the holidays, the store was crowded and I was focused on completing my purchase and catching my bus home.  When it was finally my turn to check out, the sales clerk turned to me.  I noticed her noticing me as she asked how I wished to pay for my purchase.  “Credit card,” I responded matter-of-factly.  As she rang up my charge, she smiled a weird grin.   I knew what was coming.  “Ma’am, do you need my help in signing your receipt?”  “No, thanks.” I replied, hoping the conversation would end there.  No such luck.   As I began to sign my name, she continued, “You do that so well!  I am so impressed you can write like that.  But I can finish helping you sign the receipt if you think that might be easier for you.”   At this point, I tried to hide my annoyance. “Not unless you are also offering to pay for my purchase!” I offered back with a slight smile.   By her expression, I am sure that I embarrassed her with my reply.  But let’s face it, she embarrassed me too.  And that all is ok—if you live in my shoes, it just has to be ok. 

Along the way, I have observed that many have their own version of two fingers to hide.  Whether it is an unattractive physical attribute or an insecurity lurking beneath the surface, they feel similarly vulnerable to how others view them.   While the difference might not be so significant at first glance, it can even change behavior.  I cannot tell you how many times I have watched women decline to purchase a striking strapless dress (the one they like the most) because they don’t like the way their upper arms look, fearing how they’ll be judged.  Of course, there is also hair loss.  Ironically though, it’s the comb-over rather than the receding hairline that garners more negative judgment.  Another example is financial security.  People cannot necessarily keep up with their peers, yet they like to portray an image of wealth, regardless of what is going on behind the scenes at home. 

I wish they could understand what I have learned:  People may judge me, but I cannot control their thoughts. At the end of the day, there will be many, many opinions, and if I choose to internalize them, I’ll always be hiding.   Rather, I choose not to hide it, but to flaunt it.  In that way, I now feel perfect.  Let them stare!

 http://www.megzucker.com/