Several years ago, this became my daily saying, “I don’t
care.” Everything that was going wrong in my life was replaced with this
mantra.
Realization:
I’ve gained weight
Response: I
don’t care. Life is too short to eat “diet food”.
Realization:
I’m not happy with my job.
Response: I
don’t care. I tried to go back to school, but no one would help me.
Realization:
I don’t feel like I have a friend in the world
Response: If
people don’t like me, it’s their loss. I don’t care.
Regardless of my problem, I was the victim. It was always someone
else’s fault. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. Nor did I realize
that I was depressed. I had turned cold and bitter, and shut nearly everyone
out—including God.
One morning, I was able to break through to myself. As I tried
to squeeze into my favorite jeans, I tore a gaping hole in them. I tried to
tell myself that I really didn’t care, but as I looked in the mirror I realized
that I did care. Very much.
As the restrained tears fell, I realized that I was
overwhelmed physically, mentally, and spiritually. Yes, I went to church, but I
didn’t serve God nor worship Him. Yes, I had gained some weight, but it was
more than that. I didn’t like the person underneath it all. And then I
discovered the most important part; it was no one’s fault but my own. I continuously
made bad choices, and created a perfect storm of misery for myself.
Once I was ready to ask for forgiveness and more forward,
God was there to help me. He helped me to change my mind-set. In my experience
and knowledge, it is impossible to be happy without God being the center of our
life. When we focus on Him; seeking His knowledge, wisdom, and understanding then
we are able to truly live.
Climbing out of the depression hole was extremely hard. I had
to change my thoughts and my daily routine. Ignoring my problems did not make
them go away. In fact, it added to my problems and made them multiply. Being honest
was imperative. It was necessary for me to peel back the layers on my heartaches,
and dig to the very bottom of my grief.
Even though God had already forgiven me, I had to forgive
myself and become my own best friend. Next, I had to tune into my inner self
and discover what I needed to move forward in my life. And that is what I want
to share with you.
· ** We all need total acceptance of ourselves. We have
to realize that God created us for a purpose; His purpose, and we need to seek
Him until we discover it.
· ** We need unconditional love, for others as well
as ourselves. God is love. The more we exhibit His love, the more love we will
welcome into our own lives.
· * * The “I don’t care lifestyle” is of no benefit to
anyone. God gives us all a unique and beautiful life. It’s up to us whether we
accept and nurture His gift or waste it.
· * * People can only hurt us if we allow them to.
When the broken are lashing out, they need our understanding, forgiveness,
prayers, and love.
The devil wants our lives. He wants to destroy us all. God,
on the other hand, wants us to enjoy our lives. Imagine being in a cage with
the devil. Would you fight for your life? Or simply lie down and accept defeat?
Fight, my friends—with everything inside of you! Not with
others, but with the enemy inside of you. Fight for your happiness. Fight for
your own acceptance. And fight for your life. Don’t allow the enemy to win.
It makes me sad for all of the moments of my life that I wasted
and missed. Now I’m genuinely happy. I no longer go through the motions of my
life, but everyday I’m learning how to live—with love and gratitude in my heart
and peace in my soul.
May God bless you,
Candida
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