Submerged in my prison's depths of pain and dissatisfaction, I forgot that I could open the door and set myself free by making better choices.
I've been with Eve and the serpent many times in the garden. Whenever I choose between good and evil, I decide whether to help or harm me. And most of the time, the choices feel as small and insignificant as eating an apple, but the impact can be devastating, especially if we choose the wrong things daily.
Anytime we choose the enemy over the Lord, we harm ourselves in some way. The hurt may not show up immediately, but it compounds over time. It's hard to be in tremendous pain and realize it is a self-punishment for my actions.
I have so many examples of this in my life. Some of them are so small that I overlook their importance. But I follow the enemy every time I do the opposite of what I know I should do.
Satan is the one who steals our time. He is the one who beckons for me to sleep and skip my Bible reading time, skip my workout, my writing time, or eat foods that harm my body. The enemy wants us to watch over people's lives so much that we become jealous, discouraged, lazy, unmotivated, and unproductive. And then he wants us to claim that we are happy.
I can see his work in my life when I read my Facebook memories. Some of my older posts were so negative. I was in total misery and pretending to enjoy it.
Journaling has helped me to see what I'm thinking and be honest with myself. Sometimes pulling those negative thoughts out of my mind and putting them on paper is all I need to see and recognize the enemy. Once I am aware of him, I can make a better choice.
Every day I need to ask God to help me see Satan and defeat him.
Drifting through our days and barely getting by doesn't require much effort nor yield great results. It is like treading water and barely keeping our heads above the water. In that state, I don't have any accomplishments to feel good about, so I seek that feeling somewhere else.
Shopping, eating junk food, scrolling social media, watching TV, or reading helps me. It gives me a sense of false pleasure. But it doesn't last long, so I need something else to help. That's why it's so easy to scroll one more time, eat one more thing, read one more page, watch a few more minutes, etc.
However, the pleasure I get from working out, reading my Bible, creating content, walking, or writing is much better. It lasts longer and doesn't make me feel bad afterward. It fills me up instead of making me feel empty.
When we don't spend time with the Lord, aligned with His purpose for us, we feel an emptiness that nothing else can fill. Trust me I've been trying to fill it the last few years with snacks and social media. I should have realized something was wrong when my thoughts centered around food and social media. But I didn't.
I continued on the path of unfulfillment and self-sabotage for years because I didn't want to work hard and be uncomfortable. It was easier to lie to myself than it was for me to be honest and open my eyes to the truth.
Today, I am so thankful for new beginnings. I'm grateful that God helped me to turn it all around. While I still do these things sometimes, now I know why I am doing them. There's a difference between using them occasionally to enhance our day and using them to avoid our day and our lives.
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| Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash |
Candida
