Zippy’s Club: How to Overcome Bullying with Kindness

Last year, I lay in my bed and cried about the events happening in my life. I could barely walk, every single day was challenging and filled with so much pain, and to make matters worse my son was being bullied. My life seemed so hopeless and I felt completely helpless.

However, one night, God restored my hope tenfold. He gave me a little glimpse of a new Zippy book, and the desire to discuss the challenging topic of bullying. And then He gave me the courage to write the book. 

Every single day, a child somewhere gets bullied. It’s heartbreaking to be teased and treated so badly. As adults we need to do something. As a society, we have turned our heads long enough. We might not be able to stop the bad behavior totally, but we can teach children how to overcome the hardships and negativity of bullying. If we stand united and teach these children how to treat others, about self-worth, positivity, and to not allow anyone to steal their smile, then we can make a big difference in many lives.  

Being bullied was devastating for my son and me. Every day I sat on the sidelines and watched it happened. Yes, I wanted to rush to his defense and help him. But screaming at the kids and talking down to them would have only intensified the situation. Sometimes we need to “kill them with kindness” as the old saying goes.

So I began to write the book, and coach my son on how to handle his problem. Honestly, there were a few times when I wanted to tell him just to punch them. But I didn’t want the kids who were acting so ugly to rub off on my child. Furthermore, I continued instructing him to use kindness as his weapon. I also praised his efforts and assured him that their bad behavior was in no way a reflection of him. Every day I gave him positive affirmations that would help him become a stronger person, and prayed for guidance on how to help him.

In order to raise accountability a pledge was designed. And Zippy’s Club was born. Not only did it help my child learn to overcome his hardships, but it helped me to realize once again that we can overcome evil with good.

ZIPPY’S CLUB invites kids to be part of the anti-bullying team. It teaches them how to overcome bullying with kindness and to celebrate one another’s differences. The book includes a section from a nationally certified counselor to help initiate conversations with kids about bullying, as well as a letter from Candida telling her personal story. In Zippy’s Club, Candida shares that while we can’t control how others treat us, we can decide how we act toward them. Both she and Zippy encourage us to be the type of people who lifts others up, instead of knocking them down. 

Before the book was even released or finished, the Middlesborough Little Theatre approached me about turning the book into a play. Amy Simpson adapted my book, Zippy’s Club, into a play. Since no children’s play would be complete without music, Amy wrote five wonderful songs for the play that the children sing. My friend, Tony Memmel, not only wrote Zippy a theme song "The Best That You Can Be", but he traveled from Nashville and is performing it LIVE at every performance. 

Tony Memmel is a songwriter and performer with unique charisma and creativity. He was born missing his left forearm and taught himself to play the guitar, piano, and harmonica. He’s been featured in the Associated Press, Boston Globe and Chicago Tribune, was selected as a Grand-Prize winner in a Counting Crows cover contest by The Counting Crows themselves, and was recently honored to take first place in a prestigious singer-songwriter competition, in Boston. Discover more about Tony and see his performance schedule at http://tonymemmel.com. 

Over 30 children are in the Zippy’s Club Play and each one brings something unique and special to the play, and touches my heart in a beautiful way. They have me laughing one minute and crying the next. Their hard work and dedication to make the world a better place is inspiring.

I hope you will come out tonight and see what the fuss is all about. They’ll have you laughing, singing, reciting the pledge, and desiring to make your own difference. Putting a stop to bullying and teaching children to celebrate their differences is not something I can do on my own. It takes a group effort from us all. Let’s not wait until tragedy strikes our community to get concerned.

Friends, I have looked into the coffin of lifeless child who ended her own life because of bullying. That day I decided to put my own fears and hardships aside and dedicate my life to serving God and helping others. Please join me!!

The Zippy’s Club Play is tonight at 7:30 p.m. and tomorrow at 2:30 p.m. at the Middlesboro Central Auditorium—between the middle and high school. Hope to see you there!

My Beautiful Life

Last week I had something shake my world. It was so heartbreaking that I couldn’t even talk about it. Through my tears and prayers, God blessed me to open my eyes and heart and consider a different perspective.

With the advancement in medical technology, limb differences or other conditions are often discovered before birth. Doctors offer abortion as an option for limb different children, and some parents choose that option. When I heard this, I became so upset. Reflecting on my own life and scars made the situation personal to me.

While I realize the experience I’m about to share is not the same, I’d like to share it anyway because of the lessons learned.

A few years ago, my family and I welcomed a kitten into our home. We all instantly fell in love with Rex. He captivated us with his loving nature. And then one day, something horrible happened. He started having seizures. We immediately took him to his doctor and received medication to help him. It worked for a while, but the seizures intensified. When they occurred, I cowardly left my husband to deal with them. One night, however, Rex was so bad that we didn’t think he would survive. The seizures happened one after another. My family was asleep and I sat with him. I started to leave him, but then I remembered what my daddy had always told me. “Be there for people when they need you.” Rex needed me. So I knelt by his side, petted him, and talked him through it.

He survived the violent attacks, but his body was so weak. We had to feed him with a syringe. He couldn’t walk and was dazed by it all. One day I walked into the room and found him lying in his litter box with his eyes closed. So I began to talk to him. It looked as if he had decided to give up. I begged and pleaded for him to get up and fight his way back to me. And he did. It took him several attempts to get up, but he managed. Then he staggered out of the box and went to his food and ate a few bites. He showed me another degree of strength.

The worst, however, was not over. Once he regained his awareness, he didn’t remember us and attacked us. He growled and hissed when we walked by him. We were advised to have him put down. And I remembered how hard he fought to live. How could I possibly take the life that fought so hard to live? When we refused that option, he was given a new medication that helped him. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

He survived the trauma, but not without scars. Sometimes we are blessed with scars to remind us of the trauma we survived. For Rex, it is brain damage. He doesn’t want us to pet him, nor play very often. He only eats a certain food, and usually hides or stares into the distance. But every once in awhile, it’s as if he remembers us and allows us to love him. For us that’s enough. He is safe and well. And we love him unconditionally.

My kids wanted him to have a Zippy book so he could learn to celebrate his difference. 

He is not normal, nor will he ever be. Nevertheless, I can’t hate him or turn my back on him because he’s different. He can’t help what happened to him. The doctors couldn’t explain the reason. Sometimes God gives us a miracle to remind us of His greatness. Whether it’s a kitten with brain damage or someone with limb differences, God uses them to teach us. 

All of my limbs are affected. The Amniotic Bands attacked me in my mom’s womb. I have the scars to remind me of the trauma. For whatever reason, God blessed me to survive. He knew my struggles would be many, and yet He blessed me with the beautiful gift of life.

Every day, I’m so grateful for His mercy.

No one willingly chooses hardships. We all want the easy button. As a little girl, I prayed every single night for new hands and a life without scars.  That wasn’t God’s purpose for me. His plan for me and my life was so much greater than to simply be unscarred.

While this might not be the life I wanted for myself, it is better than I could have ever imagined. Through my hardships, I have learned how to live—not just exist. My personal experiences have touched others and inspired so many people—with and without limb differences.

My life is not just about me! I’m perfectly imperfect. If given the choice, I would keep my scars and all of the hardships they bring me every day because my suffering cannot be compared to my joy.  

At the end of the day, I’m so thankful for my beautiful life. My husband of 16 years adores me and spoils me rotten, and my children brighten my life. Not only do I get to write children’s books about celebrating our differences, but I get to share them with children and help them along their journey. People from all over the world have befriended me. And my family loves me unconditionally. As I go through my life, I can’t find anything that is missing. Each and every part is filled with tremendous love. Is there anything greater than love? 

Independence: The Beauty of Finding Your Own Way

Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do. Regardless of my struggle, I believe that I can do it. It’s a natural reaction for me, and I don’t even pause to consider if I actually need help or not. Throughout my life, I have always been able to find a modification for everything.

Once, as a baby, I insisted on feeding myself with only one finger on my left hand because my right arm was in a sling. It took me longer to eat, but I managed it. My mom was both aggravated and proud. But she is the one who always told me, “You can do anything, Candida. Find your own way!”

And I loved discovering my inner strength and accomplishing the complicated. Having someone do the difficult tasks for me would have hindered me. Always waiting for others to help me would become a limitation, disadvantage, handicap, and ultimately cause me to become a burden to others.

All of the things, I never want to become.

Independent and strong is the type of person that beckons to me. When we constantly rely on others, we put our dreams and life in their hands. Accepting help on occasion, however, is not a bad thing.

At the grocery store a few days ago, something fell off my cart in the parking lot and became lodged under the tire. The cart inclined and I struggled to hold it with one hand and pick up the item. A kind woman stopped and picked it up for me. I was thankful for her help, but I’m sure if she would have asked me first that I would have refused her help. Not intentionally, just automatically. Eventually, I would have figured out how to do it myself because that’s the way I’m programmed.

When someone offers kindness we should accept and acknowledge it for what it is. Nevertheless, we should still do the things we can do, and always give more than we take. Otherwise we come to expect kindness without appreciating it. And unintentionally take advantage of people.

Just like with God. He wants us to ask Him for help, but He also expects us to do the things we can do for ourselves. We can’t just quit our job and expect God to provide our needs. Or stop seeking Him and expect Him to bless our lives abundantly. Accountability for our own lives is important, and so many people these days expect others to care for them.

I’m truly thankful for my stubbornness, strength and independence. It enables me to grow and prosper into the person God created me to be. Relying on others, doesn’t force me out of my comfort zone or challenge me in any way. We need to learn how to become comfortable with the uncomfortable, and embrace the curve balls of life. The more I struggle to do things for myself, the more I am able to accomplish; which, in turn, boosts my confidence and helps me with future trials.

Just so we are clear, my family helps me tremendously. We all take turns with the chores and responsibilities, but I never use my challenges as a way to get out of certain tasks. Even when I had a really hard time walking a few months ago, I wouldn’t allow my family to cater my needs or for my husband to carry me. That would have been the easier option for me, but I knew, in my heart, if they made it easy for me to stay in bed that I may never walk again.

While there is no shame in asking for help when needed, I also believe that every once in a while we should help ourselves. So I’m going to continue embracing my independence.

What do you all think?

 

The Struggle: How to Overcome the Impossible

Tuesday, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or go back to bed. My body ached and I couldn’t seem to get past the misery. I moped around and finally drug myself to gym—expecting my workout to lift my spirits. My experience, however, was not what I hoped for.

My body felt heavy and uncooperative. Ignoring all negativity, I decided to run. It was hard, okay brutal. My rib hurt, a blister developed on my foot after the first mile, and my legs were heavy. Being the stubborn person that I am, I refused to give up—even when my legs felt numb. So I pushed beyond my limits.

And then the treadmill just stopped. I was furious. It was like the machine knew that I didn’t have enough sense to step off, so it just quit. Instead of stretching and leaving, I went to the elliptical for a few miles. Every movement hurt and I realized after two miles that I couldn’t do it. I tried to dig deep, but I had nothing left to give. Defeated, I grabbed my things and left.

At the time, I couldn’t see that I had still managed three miles with numbness and tingling in my feet and legs. Then I remembered my daddy’s words of wisdom, “You’re doing better than what you think”.

Instead of feeling better though, I dwelled on what I couldn’t do. And I believed what I had always assumed and been told.

Running was impossible for me—especially with a twisted pelvis and a foot affected by Amniotic Band Syndrome.

It was so hard for me to accept my limitations. But I tried. I even attempted to forgive my body for not being able to do something I truly wanted to do. Who am I kidding? It hurt. And I don’t like the disability card. Ever!

So I went back for one more attempt on Thursday. And I decided to try a new approach. When I set the treadmill to run the 5k, I began with a smile and praise for my Lord. As my feet pounded, I thanked God for every step, and for letting me not only walk that day, but for the ability to run. I prayed for all of those who are not able to walk and run, those fighting for their lives, and those who have heartaches and troubles.

When I reached the part where my whole body ached, I put one foot in front of the other and smiled at my reflection. I was only a mile into my run, when the screen showed that my course would get harder. For a moment, I wanted to stop. Step off the machine and agree with the doctors and the negative voice in my head—that I couldn’t run.

Then I realized it is during the most challenging times in our lives that we learn how to overcome. My legs were still moving. It was my mind that wanted to give up. So I focused on how it would feel to complete my course. And I’ll be quite honest, I imagined every time my foot came down that I was stopping on the devil, who threatened to steal my hopes and dreams.

With my heart and spirit, I finished my first 5k program. It took me 40 minutes to do my impossible.  I can do anything with God on my side.

While my aches and pains prove that I fought the battle, I also have the victory written in my heart. And that victory will remind me on the tough days to keep my eyes on my Lord.

Last year when walking was difficult for me, I lay in my bed and peddled an exercise bike that sat on my bed. When my feet were numb and painful, I pushed with my heart and the determination that I would get better.

The enemy will take our lives if we allow it. We need to fight with every ounce of strength we can manage. Every day we are in the biggest battle of our lives, and we get to decide what kind of solider we want to be. I want to fight a good fight. If we give up every time our course gets tough then we will never reach our full potential.

We have no idea what we are capable of until we try.  I have no limits, only possibilities waiting to be conquered.

Fighting Back

I loved to blog! At least I did until the devil convinced me otherwise. Negative thoughts broke through my defenses and persuaded me to stop. So I listened.

A yearning, however, to write, share, and connect with others still beckoned to me. For a while, I even believed my writing wasn’t good enough to share. Then I concluded this is my journal—my thoughts, feelings, and hardships. It’s not about writing perfect, but about being real.

So let’s catch up!

Perhaps the reason I stopped sharing was because my emotions were all over the place. It’s been a roller coaster ride with my health. And, I guess, I just needed time to adjust, especially when the bad news was delivered.

Hearing things like “You’ll never get better.” “You’re disabled.” “You should quit your job and focus on finding a treatment.” hurts on so many levels.

It’s even harder when my body confirms what my mind hears. Every day that a new nodule surfaces or a new location swells upsets me. When I can barely walk or use my hands, it scares me. Because even though I try to remain positive and walk by faith, my subconscious wonders. If what I’ve been told my whole life is true.

Is my body incurable? Will I get worse?

Even though I try to be focused, determined, and positive about it all, still I struggle at times. I don’t want the enemy to destroy me! So I have decided to try a different approach and work on self-healing. I already know and understand that God is not going to heal my physical scars (and I truly don’t want Him to), but I believe that He can help me overcome my hardships. Instead of being upset with my body, I want to nurture and love it. I want to be the best me that I can be! And by no means am I ready to give up! This is my life and I refuse to allow anyone or anything to take it from me!

My wellness plan:

·        Pray

·        Seek God’s guidance and wisdom

·        Read His word daily

·        Spend more time with loved ones

·        Laugh often

·        Smile

·        Healthy, gluten free lifestyle

·        Exercise at least five times a week

·        Take vitamins and herbs for the conditions

·        Try to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night

·        Meditate

·        Keep a gratitude journal

·        Write as often as possible

·        Ultimately believe that my body will heal

·        Love unconditionally

·        Continue on my life’s purpose

·        Find the problem areas in my life and work on fixing them

·        Spend at least a few minutes each day outside

·        Ignore the negative voice always trying to stop and hurt me

·        Be brave

·        Be optimistic

·        Be an Overcomer

Is there a part of your life that needs nurturing? Are you the best you that you can be? I truly believe that we all have the ability to overcome our hardships. I recently read a quote that stated pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

This day I was in so much pain that it took everything inside me just to smile.
 

The Survivor: How I found acceptance through Zippy

I will never forget the horrid feeling of being bullied. Words, sharp as knives, swiped at me over and over until it felt as if I would crumble. I remember trying to escape the pain and running to my safe haven. Looked inside a bathroom stall at school, restrained tears fell and begged God for help.

Scarred and ashamed, I believed the nasty words. When the bully yelled that I was ugly, it just confirmed what my heart already thought. And when they made fun of my scars, I had tried to pray away, my heart broken into a million pieces. Their words were so devastating and heartbreaking because I had already thought the same things daily. Even though the pain was unbearable, I kept it locked inside me. I didn’t want to share my feelings or heartache with anyone.

The day I looked into a coffin of a child, who had taken her own life, my feelings changed and my heart decided to do something to help. Years prior that could have been me. There was a time when I begged God to remove me from my pain—when I no longer wanted to live.

In my efforts to help others, I penned a children’s book about a little zebra without stripes.

But I couldn’t get it right. One million drafts later, God opened my eyes and allowed me to see things differently. When I finally wrote the ending, a lifetime of burdens and heartaches were destroyed. My scars and condition no longer hurt me. Acceptance is powerful. It transforms our heartaches into blessings.

My scars were no longer a burden, but beautiful blessings. God did not curse me with scars. He blessed me with life. The only thing about my life that changed was how I viewed it. We can cry over all of the things we don’t have, or we can learn to be thankful for our unique blessings. Sometimes we put too much thought into what we want for our lives ,and fail to see that God has a greater purpose for us. All I wanted was unscarred hands, arm, and foot, but God gave me so much more.

Every day I’m thankful to be alive and for the opportunity to raise my children. I’m so thankful to go into schools and promote kindness and encourage everyone to celebrate their differences and life. My scars have transformed me into a stronger person. I’m more compassionate and willing to help others along their journey.

I have learned that words and actions can only hurt us if we allow them to. Stares and whispers no longer have any control over me. All a stranger might see is my scars, but it is up to me to show them my heart. If they are staring at me that just means I have their undivided attention, and should use that moment to reflect God.

I know that every single day comes with challenges and obstacles, but I’m so grateful for each one. If given the choice, I would keep my scars. And I pray every day God will bless me to help someone in some way.

 “Zippy and the Stripes of Courage” is free on Amazon June 22, 23, and 24 only. I sincerely hope that you will download your free copy and share the information with others. You never know who might be struggling with their own issues and would benefit from reading Zippy’s story. 

http://www.amazon.com/Zippy-Stripes-Courage-ebook/dp/B0079LCLDM/ref=sr_1_4_title_1_kin?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371903964&sr=1-4&keywords=Candida+Sullivan

It can be downloaded on the kindle, kindle app for iPhone and iPad, or your computer using the free kindle app.

While I’m no poet, this poem slipped out.

The Survivor

Past….

Scarred and ashamed
Filled with pain
Afraid to live
Bound by fears

 

Present….

God and acceptance
Squelched the bonds
Purpose and thankfulness
Transformed the inside

 

Future…

Now a window to God
Inspiring and helping others
A testimony of power
Reflecting God’s ultimate plan

 

The Test

Our ability to prevail comes from inside of us all. It is our gift from God.

I parked at the end of the long, parking lot. It took me several minutes to climb out of my vehicle, and then another minute or so to convince myself to take that first step toward the store. I limped and each step was difficult, but not impossible. (I leave the closer spaces for someone who needs them.)

By the time I got inside the store my legs trembled. Overwhelmed, my eyes filled with tears. Every step became even more difficult. I stopped in the aisle and called my husband. I wanted to bury my head in his shoulder and allow him to carry me out of the store. When he answered the phone, he sounded busy so I swallowed my tears and didn’t mention my dilemma.

Even though I was alone, God was with me. He encouraged me to try –take one step, then another. With tears in my eyes and pain shaking my whole body, God gave me a test. Give up or try. Those were my only options. A part of me wanted to give up, but something greater urged me to try.

I John 4:4 KJV

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

I stood up tall, wiped my tears, and smiled. With every step, God showed me that true strength comes from Him. Our enemy is powerless against God.

The next few weeks were tough, and I worried about the next obstacle. It got even harder after my knee locked and I fell one Sunday morning, but I still hobbled to church. Sometimes it’s hard to smile, when I’m so scared, and the devil continuously torments me.

Overwhelmed and feeling defeated, I decided to buy practical, comfortable shoes. None of the shoes appealed to me, and the thought of giving up made me ill. So instead of comfortable and practical, I bought red high heels. Just holding them gave me courage and hope.

A few weeks later, I had a school visit. I had bought every shoe support imaginable, but nothing helped. Determined to go to my visit, I pulled out my heels. It seemed crazy, but they boosted my spirit and gave me hope of a better day. Sometimes all we need is possible.

I completed the school visit in my heels, without limping, and rejoiced inside for my victory. When I pulled into the grocery store, I reached into the back for my comfortable shoes. And then, I stopped.

With two cysts and superficial blood clots in my leg, I stepped out of my vehicle in heels, prepared to stomp my fears. Not only did I walk without limping or tears, but I smiled.

My feet and leg ached, but I ignored the pain. When I finished my shopping, I bought a beautiful bouquet to celebrate my life and ability to overcome.

Every day brings new challenges for me. Now I have cyst or nodules on the joints in my hands, elbows, and knee along with my other challenges. But I still exercised this morning and worked today. I’ve scheduled five new events and conquered my fears. I can’t allow the worries and what-ifs of tomorrow to stop me. God expects us to walk by faith for Him. One God Moment can triumph a million negative thoughts.

I may fail God, but He will never fail me.

 How do you overcome your challenges?