How to Overcome the Perfectionism Disease

Perfectionism prevents us from trying new things. We believe, in order to start, that we need to be a pro at the task. The problem, however, is that we can’t be an expert at everything. We learn by doing. Therefore, we can’t learn if we are too afraid to try. As we learn and do, we will develop the necessary skills and eventually become better. The first step is always the hardest. 

Three things that always help me:

1. Read books and learn about the new task. 
2. Step out of your comfort zone and just do it. 
3. Believe that you are good enough to do the task.

For years, I wrote daily. I poured my heart and soul into the pages. Every spare minute was spent reading and studying books on writing. But the fear of sharing my heart and soul, prevented me from getting published. For years, I stood in my own way because I failed to believe in myself. We can have tons of knowledge, but if we fail to overcome our fears we will never accomplish anything. It took me a long time to understand that the fear of failure is worse than actually failing. 

Don’t allow fear to prevent you from following your dreams. When we are creating something of value, we will have struggles. Others will criticize our efforts and ideas. We will have doubts and fears. But, if we take a leap of faith and trust God to help us, the possibilities are endless. 

Dream! Believe! Create!

Have a wonderful day!

Candida

How to Overcome the Fear of Judgement

Five years ago, one small, terrifying act of courage changed my life. 

Until then, fear had consumed me. During one of the darkest times of my life, God had given me a beacon of light—the gift to write and capture my feelings. Instead of being pleased with my gift, I was terrified. I will never be able to express my fear, with exactly the right words, because it seemed so horrific to me. 

My body trembled. In some ways I felt as if I was fighting for my life. Like a strong force was trying to push me under the current. I paced the floor with tears in my eyes. Every so often, I would attempt to pray or more accurately plead with God. 

Are you sure? I don’t even know what I’m doing. No one will even read my blog. I don’t have any followers. How will this make a difference? 

But that day I could feel Him in my heart. Regardless of my protest or plea, the nudge to publish my blog remained. So did the fear. I didn’t want to share my heart with the world. Really, I didn’t. I was so incredibly vulnerable that day. But that moment of obedience changed my life. Because God gave me a true glimpse of my purpose. 

Soon people all over the world discovered me. They read my blog posts and sent me messages. But the beautiful part was that they shared their stories with me; the fears, struggles, and deep heartaches. As the comments poured in via my blog, private messages, and social media I discovered something amazing. We all struggle. We all have heartaches. And we all have fears. No one is immune to these vices.

When I shared my weaknesses with the world, God was strengthened. My vulnerability showed that yes I am weak, but my God is strong. Yes, I have all of these struggles but my God helps me to overcome them all. At that time my spirit was broken. My body was so physically challenged that I was unable to work. But every week as I sat down to write a blog post, my spirit awakened and hope bloomed in my soul. I will never be able to express how that tiny spark of hope helped me. 

So often we think that sharing our struggles, heartaches, and fears makes us weak. But, it doesn’t. My friends that it what makes you strong. 

Through my struggles, heartaches, and fears I have a deeper level of compassion and understanding for others. I have cried with strangers, hugged them, and felt their pain. Because I’ve been there, too.

When I started this blog, I thought that each word and aspect of it needed to be perfect. But what I have since discovered is that none of that truly matters. What people want and need is the connection. I have read beautifully written words that never touched me.  And I have written beautiful pieces that never touched anyone. When I am wiping away the tears, however, and pouring my heart and soul into the words, people feel that from me. It’s all about the beautiful way God blesses us to connect.  

For so many years of my life, I have felt that I am not good enough. Those thoughts and feelings stem from years and years of stares and harsh words from others. I’ve had people tell me that I am not good enough. And for so long, I believed the lies. 

Not only did I believe the lies, but I took them inside my heart and nurtured them.

Even though that sounds crazy, that is exactly what I did. I allowed the fear of judgement to dictate my life. Until I followed the voice of my Lord. He helped me break free. Since that day, He has blessed me to share my message of hope all over the world. Now I have 9 published books—some of them translated into different languages. I have spoken at over 100 events, and my newest book (Despite Your Circumstances) has been nominated for an award.

I’m not sharing all of this because I want to brag about me. But because I want you to know that God can take you, as He did me, with all of your imperfections (like me) and turn them into a beautiful gift. Don’t be afraid of all the things that could go wrong, but focus on the glory of God. He thought the world needed you. Use your gift to glorify Him. 

And when our ways please our Lord, He opens the windows of Heaven and pours out His blessings on us. His approval is all that we should seek. 

If you would like to vote for me, I would be honored. Regardless of the outcome, being nominated and loved by so many is enough for me. Every time I read a testimony of how my story touched another heart, my cup runs over, and I know my gift is making a difference. 

http://www.christianpublishers.net/16votes/

May God bless you, 

Candida

5 Steps to Change Your Mind-set

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Everyone struggles. Why is that so hard for us to understand? We are so quick to judge others based on our feelings, without any known truths, facts, or even compassion. But we all have scars. Some of them are deep and painful, and we spend most of our time living in that place of pain. 

However, how often do we try to understand the person (ourselves as well as others) underneath the scars?

Situations and people are rarely what they seem. We tend to live one dimensional lives. As soon as something happens we develop an opinion of the situation, and never analyze it further to see if we can understand it better. Normally, we file it away in our brain as a truth when it is really a lie. 

For example: 

I lived most of my life believing I was a burden to my family and that my scars were a punishment from God. Even typing that sentence now makes me cringe. But it was my truth because I believed it wholeheartedly. However, once I developed a new perspective and was able to see my situation differently, I have never been able to view it as a burden again. God didn't punish me with scars, He blessed me with life. 

So often we believe every thought that enters our mind. Even though the majority of them are lies. 

The enemy lives in our mind. It is our negative voice. How many times has  your mind caused you to believe a lie? Actually, it happens more often than not. 

We worry about situations and events that have never happened, nor have any evidence that they will ever happen. But yet we give certain lies total control of our thoughts. So how can we stop the lies and change our mind-set?

• Counteract the lie with a truth. 

When we counteract the lie with a truth, we take away the power of the lie. The next time it enters our mind, and it will, we are able dismiss it quickly.  This also helps us to stop self inflicted bullying. 

• Be kind and seek understanding—with ourselves and others.

It is only natural for us to get angry with people or certain situations. But what might happen if we actually tried to understand the person or situation? 

• Realize that our feelings are not always the truth   

Just because we feel a certain emotion does not make it true. We may feel scared, when there is no danger. Situations may seem impossible before we are able to overcome them. 

• Use fear as an asset not a stumbling block.

Fear can stop us or help us. Learning to use it as a tool will help us to stay focused. Whenever I speak, I use the fear to humble me and help me to stay focused on my mission. 

• Seek help. Either through books or others. 

We never get to a place in our lives where we know it all. We should always strive to make our lives more enjoyable and to understand our enemy. The more we learn of his ways, the less power he will have over us.

Final thoughts…

So often we focus on the few things in our life that are challenging. We overthink them and magnify them until they seem so much bigger than they actually are. If we learned, however, to focus our energy on gratitude, and the promises of our Lord, we could change our thoughts and, in turn, live a happier life. 

Some of my favorites promises in the Bible.

Philippians 4:19 (KJV)

19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

John 3:16 (KJV)

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Romans 8:28 (KJV)

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:37 (KJV)

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

1 John 4:4 (KJV)

4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

James 4:7 (KJV)

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Psalm 29:11 (KJV)

11 The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.

Isaiah 46:4 (KJV)

4 And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.

Psalm 37:4 (KJV)

4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

John 14:27 (KJV)

27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

How to Shift Your Focus

For a few years now, the perpetual feeling of despair has plagued me. Every time I try new treatments, and don’t get the results I was hoping for, I feel the nudge of fear. When my condition worsens and I go through a time of difficult hardship, I feel my hope diminishing. And that terrifies me. 

Sometimes I allow myself to go to those really scary places, when I think about my future, and the picture I paint for myself isn’t pretty. The image I have seen lately frightens me. Because when I become so focused on my disabilities and struggles I lose sight of my abilities. 

When I overdo it and work beyond my limits, I pay for it. For the past few years, I have ignored the pain. I have put my whole heart into my books, speaking engagements, emails from supporters, and helping others—in any way possible. 

Somewhere along the journey, I got distracted from my goals and lost the love and passion for what I was doing. And I started seeing it as a burden, instead of blessing. 

Not too long ago, I sat in the bathroom floor with tears pouring from eyes and a broken heart. I was exhausted, in pain, and overwhelmed. And when I looked over my schedule, for the next few weeks, my sobs intensified. 

How had this happened again? Why did I say yes, when I should have said no?

Because I love to help people and I really hate to turn anyone away. But sometimes, and this one is really hard for me to admit, when I say yes to everyone else I am saying no to my husband and kids—and even to myself. When I overcommit, something else in my life doesn’t get the attention it deserves. In turn, this creates the perfect storm of overwhelm for me. Constantly giving to others depletes me. Working 12 hours or more a day doesn't give me the opportunity to rest and rejuvenate. Therefore, my body hurts worse than it should and my mind becomes overwhelmed. 

The devil uses distractions to derail us. He wants us to fail, so he tries to discourage us, in hopes that we will just give up. And label our situation as hopeless.

When I overuse my hands and shoulders, the constant pain makes me focus on more pain. Suddenly, all I can think about is becoming totally disabled. When those thoughts creep in, it breaks my spirit. In turn, I try to work harder to escape the inevitable, and achieve my goals, before time runs out for me. 

All we need to do, however, is learn to shift our focus. 

One day I felt as if the walls were closing in on me. Broken and hurting, God understood my tears, my fears, and my heartaches. He didn’t change my situation, but he helped me to shift my mind-set and view my situation with a new perspective. When I realized that I just need to learn to work smarter, every thing changed.

So maybe I can’t travel for hours to speak at an event or do school visits, but I can still write books and blogs to reach an unlimited number of people. Perhaps I can’t do everything the world asks of me, but I can do whatever God places on my heart. 

My focus needs to always be on Him. He knows my limitations, my challenges, and my ability to overcome. My God knows how to share my story in a way that glorifies Him. 

If I’m patient, my God will show me how to work smarter not harder and achieve more in a few minutes, with Him directing my path, than I could ever do on my own. 

All He wants me to do is show up every day and ask Him one simple question. “What would you have me to do today?” And then do whatever He places on my heart, with my whole heart. 

Serving God and doing His work is simple. We are the ones who make it hard. 

May God bless you, 

Candida 

Why You Should Develop a Power Phrase

Have you ever found yourself in a difficult situation and wondered how you would be able to survive it? How many times have you been overwhelmed? Stressed out? On the brink of a breakdown? What do you do to overcome these peril times? 

When these trying times occur it is so easy for me to become depressed, withdrawn, and feel ultimately defeated. In the midst of the hardship, it is so hard for us to look beyond the current moment of grief. It’s hard for us to believe that things will get better. Especially when we have trained our minds to search out the bad, negative, limiting beliefs. 

But what if I told you that you can be joyous through the trials. 

A few years ago, it was so hard for me to understand that I would never be completely well. I remember thinking, how can I live every day in this kind of pain? How will I ever be able to smile and laugh and have fun again? 

For days, weeks, and even months I only existed. I focused on the pain and it consumed me. It became part of my every conversation, my every thought, and my every action. My negative thoughts and actions multiplied. All I did was cry and wallow in my self-pity. 

Until I learned the power behind my words, thoughts and actions. 

Every morning when I scooted to the edge of my bed and stood, I didn’t know if my legs would support me or not. So many times, I fell into the floor. It would have been easy for me to declare myself unable to get out of the bed. The first few steps were always so painful, as was the rest of the day. 

For a while, it was hard for me to get out of bed. I didn’t want to feel the pain or deal with the hardships of the day. But the moment that I changed my mind-set, everything else changed. I eventually learned to praise God for another day, instead of complaining about the challenges. 

Whatever we believe about a situation is how it will be manifested to us.If we believe that we are a victim, then we will act like a victim. However, if we believe that we are a warrior, then we will act like a warrior. While my attitude did not change the fact that I still fell, it did change how quickly I got back up. 

Regardless of our situation, we need to adapt the mentality of an overcomer. And so I developed mantras to help me. Bible verses and encouraging words became my saving grace. What we tell ourselves will either help us or harm us. We need to make sure that we are arming ourselves everyday with encouraging, positive beliefs. 

Here are a few of my favorite Bible verses:

Philippians 4:13  (KJV)

13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Romans 8:28 (KJV)

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Luke 22:32 (KJV)

32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

James 4:7 (KJV)

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Luke 18:27 (KJV)

27 And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

Positive mantras:

You can do this! You don’t quit when you’re tired, you stop when you’re finished. Giving up is not an option. You are strong! You are a child of the King. God is good, and He loves you! You’re never alone. There is nothing that can’t be done by you and God. You are stronger than your excuses. 

And when the devil tries to interrupt your positive thoughts with his lies, call him out on it. Stop the lies. Tell the negative voice in your head: YOU’RE LYING. 

Then go about your day being awesome. 

Have a wonderful Monday! 

Candida

4 Steps to Living Your Dream Life

What would you do if you won the Powerball? 

This has been the a big topic of conversation lately. People from all over the United States made it a priority to buy tickets. They dreamed about obtaining millions of dollars, and even posted on social media how they would spend their winnings. The mere thought of it evoked a sense of happiness and a plethora of dreams. But as many tossed away the losing tickets, their dreams were also tossed away. 

Our dreams, however, don’t have to die. We can give them life. 

In order to be great, we have to visualize greatness. In order to achieve our dreams, we have to have a clear vision of what we want. And then work hard, every single day until we get it. For the majority of people in the world, there is no easy button. If you want something, you have to intentionally work toward obtaining it. 

If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want. ~Zig Ziglar

The only way to get what we want is to know what we want. 

We all need dreams, but even more than that we need a plan. Something to evoke the passion inside of us. Have you ever been around someone who lit up when they talk about their dreams? It’s beautiful to witness, and even more amazing to feel. 

Today, let’s dream!

Sit quietly for a few moments and allow yourself to dream. And ask yourself these questions. If you could design the perfect life for yourself, what would it look like? What is that one thing that you’ve always wanted to do? What would feed your soul every day? What would make you live inspired? What is your description of the perfect day? Can you see it?

Before my books were published, I imagined holding them in my hands, and hugging them. So many times, I envisioned  being surrounded by children, reading them about Zippy. And I even imagined meeting others like me. 

Even before I understood the power of visualization, I was doing it daily. When the journey was so hard, I often imagined the feeling of success—of accomplishing my dream. And I showed up every day. Some days I was very productive and other days I cried and prayed most of the day, but regardless I was always thinking about my dreams and working toward my goals. And you can, too!

Here is a few examples of my goals and the actions I took to achieve them. 

Goal: Share my story and help others. 

Action: Sit down every day and write or at least try. Start a blog. Post one blog a week. 

Goal: Get my books published.

Action: Write my story and share it with world. Send out my thoughts and dreams into the world via the blog and social media. 

At some point, you will question your dream. Your dedication. And even your purpose. This is when you need to know why your dream matters. 

For me, it is about helping other people overcome the same types of struggles I have endured. When I was a little girl, I often wished for someone to help me. Now I want to be that person for other people. Hope, when we feel hopeless, is a beautiful gift—that’s what I want to give to the world. The hope that they can overcome their struggles as well. 

Recap of 4 steps to achieving your goals:

• Dream
• Visualize your dream in great detail
• Create a plan
• Take action

What is your dream? 

May God bless you, 

Candida 

Why Do We Want to Fit In?

At some point, we’ve all stood in the shadows and watched others interact around us. We’ve all wanted to join the conversation or be invited to the events, but most of all we’ve wanted to be accepted by the “cool kids”. To fit in. To be a part of something bigger than ourselves. 

Illustration from Zippy and the Stripes of Courage

We need to feel accepted. We need to feel loved. We need to feel valuable. 

But those feelings can’t just come from others. Acceptance, love, and value must first come from inside. No one else can make us feel these emotions. 

If we don’t accept ourselves, no one else’s acceptance of us will have any significance in our lives. If we don’t love ourselves, then we won’t fully accept anyone else’s love. If we don’t feel valuable, then no one else will make us feel this way. 

Our self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth all come from within us. We can’t make other people like us. We can, however, work on being the best person that we can be.  When I start worrying about other people’s opinion of me it’s because I am feeling insecure in that area of my life. So instead of blaming others or beating myself into the ground, I need to show myself some love. 

What we feel on the inside manifests to the outside. 

Our energy reflects to other people. If I’m constantly frowning then my body language is negative and makes me unapproachable. If everything that comes out of my mouth is a complaint, then others avoid me because no one wants to hear my tirades. If I’m judging other people and their behavior, then I’m ignoring my own shortcomings. In truth, if I worry about myself and how to be the best version of me then I will not find fault with others. Why? Because I know how hard it is to try to live for God and be a good reflection of Him. 

When we serve God and do the best we can to live by His examples, people will not like us. They will see our closeness with God as a magnification of their shortcomings. So they cast us out of their circle. If we are being honest, it would be impossible for everyone to like us at all times. Therefore, the desire to fit in is impossible. We can’t fit in. We will either be too much in one person’s eyes or not enough in another’s eyes. 

Instead of trying to fit in with the world, we should be so thankful that we don’t fit in. Jesus didn’t fit in either. 

Our weight, bank account, physical appearance, success, and social status doesn’t reflect what is in our hearts. And that is what matters. How you treat other people and how you make them feel is what is truly important. 

So how can we all do better? This is my list of things I work on every day. 

• Smile. Every single day. Even when no one is around. Smiling is a small gift that we can give ourselves. If you do it long enough, then you will start to feel the effects. 
• Give someone a compliment. Not only will it brighten their day, but it will brighten your day as well. Plus it teaches us to look for the good in others. 
• Don’t judge other people. We don’t know what they’ve been through. And to base a judgement on what we see of a person is not accurate. We don’t know how they are feeling or what lead to their actions.
• Be kind. Even to the unkind people. The ones who treat us the worst  need our kindness the most. (I know, this one is so hard.) 
• Work on me. Listen to uplifting podcast and read inspirational, self-help books. Read my Bible, pray, meditate, and write in my gratitude journal. If I’m busying working on improving myself, then I don’t notice other people’s flaws as much. 

In a world filled with negativity, pain, suffering, and hatred I don't want to fit in. Every single day, I should try my hardest to stand out so far that I give others a glimpse of my Lord. 

Stand out my friends!

Love and blessings, 

Candida