How to Overcome Hardships

We all struggle. In essence, our tribulations mold our character. Each one teaches us something beneficial to our life. My trials have taught me to be kind, compassionate, understanding, and helped me to develop strength and patience. They have also helped me to build a better relationship with God.

1.      Whenever I’m going through a hardship, I ask myself this question. What is the purpose of this trial? What is it teaching me?

Once I develop the mind-set that my situation, even though it’s difficult, has a purpose I’m more accepting of it. In order to learn the lesson, so to speak, my mind and heart must be open to it. This is difficult and usually takes me some time to be accepting of it. This also enables me to grow during the process.

2.      Ask God to help me, and trust that He will.

God uses trials to mold us into a stronger vessel for Him. If we give up, as soon as our situation gets hard then we will never be able to grow. If we persevere, however, and chose to endure the hardship with praise and glory for our Lord, He will help us overcome it. I ask Him to help me to overcome so that I may use my experience to help someone else.

3.      Understand that the situation and feelings will not last forever.

This one is so important for me. My mind always tries to rush to the worst case scenario. But if I stop, and really think about my situation, it’s never as bad as it seems. As soon as possible, we need to silence the negative voice in our head.

4.      Praise my God through the storms.

Anytime we can shift our mind-set from a victim to an overcomer, we are able to overcome the hardship. Writing in a gratitude journal helps me to see my situation with a new perspective. If we focus on our problems then we will have more problems, but if we shift our focal point on all the things we have to be grateful for, then we have more gratitude.

5.      Develop a plan.

Through prayer, meditation, and reading our Bible God guides us. It’s so important for us to seek His guidance in all things. And then follow through. If we ignore His instructions and stay in our thoughts and ways, then we will never be able to overcome our hardships.

Everyday there is something for me to overcome; physical pain, fear, negative thoughts, or restrictive beliefs.  It is so important for us to love ourselves through each day, and especially the difficult moments. In order to do this, we need to restrict the negativity in our lives, and welcome more joy. The Bible tells us to seek peace and pursue it.

Psalms 34:14 KJV

Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

When I truly desire the peace of my Lord, and pursue it, the things of the world are not as overwhelming. Right now, I’m making changes to my blog, website, and social media accounts. It is fearful. The different options are staggering. It is easy for me to become overwhelmed, and not know which direction to go. But when I put my trust in the Lord, He will guide me with all things. And He will help you, too.

If you would like to read more about how I overcome my circumstances, check out my book: Despite Your Circumstances. If you would like an autographed copy, send me an email: candidasullivan@yahoo.com. I'll even include a special bonus. It is my desire to help you. 

May God bless you,

Candida Sullivan

P.S. You might also like my blog The 4 Step Process to Overcoming Our Trials.  

Free e-book Today Only

Every Saturday I give away a free e-book and today (October 17, 2015) the free e-book is Зиппи и Полоски Храбрости.

Зиппи и Полоски Храбрости - это история о том, как малыш Зиппи научился принимать себя таким, как есть. Эта книга учит детей с уважением воспринимать различия друг друга и относиться к окружающим так, как они хотели бы, чтобы относились к ним.

Click here to get the free e-book. Or you can go to your amazon page and type in the title and search for the free kindle version. For anyone wondering, this is the Russian version of Zippy and the Stripes of Courage. Hope you enjoy! And don't forget to share the link with your family and friends. 

May God bless you!

Candida

The Outcast: How to Embrace Your Life and Your Dreams

We all feel left out at times. This illustration from Zippy and the Stripes of Courage resonates those feelings perfectly.

Somewhere along the way, we have been taught that we need to be like others and do things as they do them to be happy, accepted, loved, and successful. That statement, however, couldn’t be further from the truth.

Happiness, acceptance, love, and success all come from within. When we follow our heart and do the things which feed our soul, then we are able to achieve the greatest level of all of them. We need to remember that no one else has ever finished our purpose. That is why we are alive today. The world needs our gift.  

When I first started writing, I joined tons of online groups. People from all levels of experience and ambitions told me how to write a book. Instead of just giving suggestions, they specifically stated the dos and don’ts of writing. And they didn’t leave any room for creativity or big dreams.

Every post was so discouraging and negative. After awhile of hearing the negativity, I became very discouraged. The voices, of what I considered to be the experts, aligned with my inner critic and overwhelmed me. The words of my heart no longer had a voice because they were silenced beneath my self-doubts.

And I was miserable.

God doesn’t want me to take my gift and mimic someone else. He gave it to me to nurture and grow. Once I decided to write from my heart, wonderful things happened. People would approach me in the grocery store, send me emails, and tell me how my blogs or books had helped them. Through similar experiences we bonded and shared a connection. That’s what writing is for me—a connection with someone else.

It saddens my heart now, but I allowed others to delay my journey. Once my blog and books were doing well, the negativity poured in, too. People criticized my writing and I listened. The frequency of my blogs changed, until I nearly stopped.

Why did you start writing? Why do you want to write?

When I asked my heart these questions, my answer was the same as it has always been. I want to help others, give them hope, and perhaps a little glimpse of my God. I know what’s it like to feel hopeless and overwhelmed, and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way. As they sink into the horrible hole of depression and feel there is no way, I want to challenge their perspective and encourage them of a better day. And if I can only help one person, I want to help that one person with my whole heart. 

So I wrote myself a note of encouragement:

Don’t spend so much time listening to the negativity of the world. Tune into God’s word. Listen for His voice and instructions. Embrace His words of encouragement. Open the Bible and allow God to restore your soul. And when you feel inspired, use what you have learned to inspire others. You and God can do great things.

Whatever it is that you want to do, do it. Don't let anyone or anything steal your dreams. 

May God bless you,

Candida 

Stop the Excuses: How to Get Back on Track

All it takes is one bad thought and one wrong decision to get me completely off track.

The last few weeks have been difficult. My son fell and broke his ankle and had to have surgery. It’s been so incredibly hard for me to watch him endure pain and the types of struggles I encounter on a daily basis. Suddenly, he has had to modify everything about his day. Going from being totally independent to needing help has been hard on us both. 

The heartache of watching his suffering and worry about surgery was more difficult than my own pain. My sleep was interrupted and my thoughts were a kaleidoscope of emotions. Due to his needs and modifications in our schedule, I skipped my workouts. The numerous appointments caused us to eat out more often and for me to become sick. And then everything about my day became more challenging.  

While I tried to be completely positive about the situation, my mindset still struggled because every once in a while a negative thought popped into my head and I didn’t immediately dismiss it. To make matters worse, I had interviews and events scheduled. My body felt drained; emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I was using all of my resources and not refueling. All of my energy was used to help others. I tried to encourage and comfort my son. Then I had events, interviews, and emails to answer that took the rest of my energy. At the end of the day, I felt overwhelmed.

While I still prayed, I didn’t spend enough time with God. What I needed was time alone with Him. When I walk or run, we talk. When I start my day reading His word and praying, He restores my soul. When I seek Him with my whole heart, He strengthens and comforts me.

But when I spend more time focusing on my problems and the negativity of the world, every part of my life suffers. The enemy lures me away from my God with bad thoughts. The devil is such a liar, and plays on my weaknesses. All he has to do is get me to take my eyes off of God. Then depression and hopelessness creep in. And I don’t even realize it is happening until I am completely off track.

My God, however, is always watching out for me. He uses people and positive thoughts to encourage me, and help me establish a new plan or get back on track with my former one. I even went back and read several chapters from my book, Despite Your Circumstances.

We all need strength and encouragement from each other, and I want to share with you a few of the things that help me.  

·        Before I open social media every morning and allow it to affect me, I need to be armed with the word of my Lord. So when my alarm sounds, I am learning to get up. Right then. No snoozing or whining (this is hard). Raise my arms in the air, smile, and do my victory pose for the day. (I learned this from Natalie Morales of the Today Show.)

·        Then I start my day, with a prayer of thanksgiving for my life and then pray for guidance. I have no idea what my day might hold, but I know I need my Lord to help me make the most of it.

·        After I have talked to my Lord, I open His word and allow it to speak to me. His word is what encourages me, strengthens me, comforts me, and restores my soul. The word of God fills me with hope, love, grace, and peace. It makes me want to be a better person and serve others.

·        Then without excuses, I plan my day and decide what needs to be done that day. I put it on my to-do list and try my best to complete it. During my day, I welcome things and people who lift me up and try to avoid people and things that bring me down. Social media is tricky and I am using it with caution.

·        At night, I end my day with prayer and God’s word. Before I go to sleep I want to have my mind and heart centered on God. And offer gratitude for my day.

And I have to tell you, these things make a tremendous difference in my life. My focus has shifted from feeling totally overwhelmed to feeling encouraged and hopeful. Every day I want to be the best version of me.

Do you have some other tips that would be helpful? I’m always looking for new ways to better my life.

God's blessings, 

Candida 

October is National Bullying Prevention Month: Use Zippy's Club to Celebrate and Educate

Did you know that October is National Bullying Prevention Month? What better way to raise awareness of bullying prevention than with character education. Zippy’s Club was designed to help children recognize and overcome the negativity of bullying. But it’s more than just a book about bullying.

Zippy’s Club offers hope for those who are different and going through difficult situations. It encourages us to become a better person, and even gives us a helpful guide. Zippy’s Club opens the lines of communication with families about bullying, differences, kindness, how to treat others, and to celebrate the gift of life. Below is a resource guide to help use Zippy’s Club effectively.

Rules for Zippy’s Club:

Be kind

Kindness and compassion have the ability to make a tremendous difference in our lives. Even if we disagree on different things, we can still be kind. Some people mistake kindness for weakness. However, we need to show others the power of kindness.

Treat others the way you want to be treated

This one is so hard. We all have a tendency to want to treat others the way they treat us, but we need to remember that the ones who treat us the worst, need our kindness the most. Being mean to others hurts us as well.

No bullying

We should all strive to be the type of person who lifts others up, instead of knocking them down. Regardless of how we are treated, we need to understand that we never have the right to treat anyone else badly. The only way someone else can hurt us is if we allow them to. Cruel words cannot hurt us unless we believe them.

Also, we tend to think that bullying comes from someone else in our life, when, in fact, we are the biggest bully in our lives. At some point, we have all talked negatively to ourselves. Some of the things we say to ourselves, we would never say to anyone else. We need to all be our own best friend.

Always do your best

We don’t know what we are capable of until we try. Good work ethics, encouragement, and discipline are priceless. The only limits we have in life are the ones we believe. We all need to dream big, and live beyond our preconceived limits.

Follow your heart

It’s easy to get with the wrong crowd, and end up doing things we wouldn’t normally do. Peer pressure is hard to overcome. That’s why it is so important for children to understand the consequences of their actions. While we all have the freedom of choice, we are not free from our choices. Just because someone else does something wrong, doesn’t make it right or mean that we should do it, too.

Look for the best in everything and everyone

Positive thinking is one of the greatest things we can learn in our lives. If we train our minds to see the best in everything and everyone, we will be able to overcome the hardships of life. Bad things are going to happen to us all. We can decide to be a victim of our circumstances or an overcomer.

Celebrate your differences

Differences are often perceived as something horrible and terrifying because we simply don’t understand them. Education and openness about differences change our perception. Once we realize that we are all unique, and our uniqueness should be celebrated not discriminated, differences are no longer fearful.

Celebrate your gift of life

It is so easy to get discouraged and get into the routine of complaining about everything. However, it is possible to break the complaining cycle by learning gratitude. Keeping a gratitude journal is the absolute best way to develop an attitude of gratitude.

Be happy

Happiness is a choice. Everything in our life doesn’t have to be perfect to have a good day. We can choose to be happy, regardless of our situation. Also if we omit the words “have to” from our vocabulary and replace them with “get to”, we will change how we view situations.

Ideas for incorporating Zippy’s Club into the classroom/home:

·       Start each morning with the pledge and the theme song for Zippy’s Club.

·       Focus on one of the club rules each week, and incorporate it into the lessons or daily activities.

·       When there is free time, work on acting out the Zippy’s Club play. Role playing is very effective in helping children understand the different feelings associated with bullying. 

·       Write in a gratitude journal each day.

·       Encourage children to make an anti-bulling poster.

·       Show children how to be kind. Help them make a thank you card for a soldier, police officer, firefighter, someone who is sick, etc.

·       Teach them the benefits of positive thinking.

·       Be creative and come up with other ideas to help children “be the best that they can be”. 

·       

Today, October 3, 2015, the e-book, Zippy’s Club, is available for a free download on Amazon. Link: http://amzn.com/B00KLPFS92

Sign up for my free e-mail list here and I will send you coloring sheets, and Zippy’s masks to help you celebrate National Bullying Prevention Month. If we put forth the effort, imagine all the ways we can help our children. Just because they don’t mention being bullied or show signs of it doesn’t mean it is not affecting them. My parents never knew I had been bullied either. That is why I provide the resources and strive to help. As a little girl, I often wished someone would help me, without having to admit that I was being bullied.

Scars and Stares: How to Overcome Living With Scars

People stare at me. Some drop my change in horror and others pity me. But the rude questions and comments are by far the hardest to endure. One person asked me how I could love a God that had done this to me. A stranger told me that if her baby was like me and had Amniotic Band Syndrome, she would abort it. Moments like these are hard to endure. I’ve lashed out with anger, and shot daggers out my eyes. I’ve had my heart blessed numerous times, and cried many tears because of the cruelty of others. But at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what other people think of me. It’s how I view myself that matters.

For so many years, I hid my scars. I didn’t want anyone to stare at me, question me, or even know about my differences. Somewhere along the way, a sense of shame had overcome me. When I looked in the mirror, all I could see was scars. I expected people to stare at me and I watched for those stares. Then the most amazing thing happened to me.

God helped me to overcome my scars. Accept them. Love them. And, finally, embrace them.

It happened the moment I realized that I could have died. Some babies don’t survive the attack of the amniotic bands. But I was spared for a reason. God gave me my scars for a purpose. Acceptance is a powerful gift. Now my scars no longer have the ability to hurt me.

People are always going to stare at me, but I’ve stopped looking for those stares. It doesn’t matter to me. Let them stare. I truly hope, while I have their undivided attention that I can give them a glimpse of my Lord. When people ask me numerous questions, I desire to tell them about my wonderful God and how good He is to me. When strangers approach me, I hope that I can give them a glimpse of the person underneath the scars. In God’s eyes we are all the same, and He loves us.

I can’t change the behavior of others. Regardless of what I do, I can’t stop someone was staring at me or lashing out with cruel words. I can, however, choose how I react to it. Kindness is a universal language. Perhaps it will have no influence on the person treating me badly, but it will have a profound effect on me.

We should all learn to accept and embrace our own differences and uniqueness as a gift from God. Outwardly we might have a different appearance, or different gifts, but our spirit is the same. We are like God because He lives in us.  And we need to love ourselves—always.

We need to treat others the way we want to be treated. I’ve had people call me disabled to my face and say things like, ‘It’s really great that you can do that with your disability’. At first it was extremely hard for me. Now I know if someone treats me badly, it is a reflection of them not me. And instead of getting mad at them, I should pray for them.

So how do I wish people would treat me? What do I want them to know about living with scars caused by Amniotic Band Syndrome?

Honestly, I wish that more people would look beyond my scars and see me. Underneath the scars is someone who loves God, family, friends, and life. My life has been filled with pain, but also the overcoming of it. I am not a victim, but an overcomer. Some days I feel overwhelmed by trying to adapt to this world, but so grateful for my beautiful life. Sometimes I cry through my workouts, but I don’t complain. I pray every day because I couldn’t make it without my Lord, and I want to thank Him for always helping me. Given the choice, I wouldn’t trade my scars for anything in this world. They have taught me through my weakness that God is my strength. Regardless of the battle, giving up is never an option. I am capable of so much more than I ever realized. Being scarred has taught me about kindness and compassion, and how to treat other people.

When people look at me, I hope that they see a window to God. Through my life, overcoming the struggles and pain, I hope to shine a light to Him. I desire to reflect His goodness and help others who are struggling. In all reality, I am an ambassador for God. Through my life, hope, and faith, I desire to give others a glimpse of my wonderful God. And maybe, just maybe they will give their heart to Him as well.

When I reflect on all He has blessed me to overcome and all of the amazing blessings He has given me, I know that there is absolutely nothing missing in my life. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. God formed me exactly how He wanted me to be, and I am satisfied with being me. My friends, I pray that you will accept your own scars, love them, and embrace them. Without my scars, none of these wonderful opportunities would have been possible. 

May God bless you,

Candida

The 4 Step Process to Overcoming Our Trials

The moment adversity strikes, my first thought is to just give up. Whether I embrace the negative thought or dismiss it immediately is entirely up to me. It took me awhile to realize I have that option. Just because I have a negative thought doesn’t mean it is true.

A few days ago, I had a bad day.  My foot had been hurting on and off for a few days. As my son and I went for our evening walk, the pain intensified and I could barely walk home. He held my hand and coached me along the way.

I was very discouraged! It’s so hard to struggle with something every single day. All I wanted to do was walk with my son, and my body prevented me. And that’s when the negative thoughts bombarded me and the pity party began. As the tears fell, I welcomed them and embraced my pitiful thoughts.

In anger and heartache, I thought: Give up what? What are you going to give up? Your life? Are you just going to go to bed, pull the covers over your head and accept defeat? Are you going to allow the devil to take away the enjoyment of your life? After a few minutes, the tears slowed down and my head cleared. Suddenly, it didn’t seem as overwhelming.  My tears changed from self-pity to acceptance, and I was able to ask God to help me through it so I could help someone else.

In every moment of my life, I believe there is a lesson to be learned. Instead of trying to be strong, and pushing my thoughts aside, I decided to become aware of them and the process of overcoming my struggle.

Below is my four step process.

1.      Give myself permission to cry about it.

2.      Realize nothing is ever as bad as it seems

3.      Embrace my purpose

4.      Reestablish my thoughts and find hope

The first step for me is always the tears. I give myself permission to cry about it. After all, God understands my tears. Regardless of our strength, faith, or courage, we will all have moments of weakness, doubt, and fear. If we just constantly push them aside, then we can’t move forward. When I come to the end of my strength, and let God know that I’m weak, I am surrounded by His strength. When I struggle, I am given an opportunity to increase my faith. Because once He brings me through this trial, it will create another memory of faith through victory for me. When I’m afraid and He gives me the courage to do it anyway, my courage multiplies with the overcoming of the fear.

When something happens to us, the devil uses it as an opportunity to attack. In a vulnerable state, we are more apt to believe the lie of our enemy. However, if we can shift our thoughts and find humor through the trial we more equipped to handle it. After my tears stopped, I asked my husband if he could give me a piggyback ride for 5,000 steps, so I could get in my steps for the day. Then I decided that I probably just need new running shoes. I mean new shoes always make me feel better. Through the laughs, I realized nothing is ever as bad as it initially seems.

Still going through the process, I searched for inspiring quotes and scriptures. The bad thoughts were still swirling in my mind and I wanted to change the direction of my thoughts. It was then that I discovered this quote, sent to me by one of my friends.

It reminded me of my purpose. Without trials to overcome, I wouldn’t be able to help others through their heartaches.

And God blessed me to take a trip down memory lane. We have been through so many trials. He has never let me down or left me. Regardless of the battle, He always helps me overcome it and grow during the process. When I establish my thoughts, the devil can’t do anything with me. Instead of being mad at the situation or pain, God blessed me to become grateful for the trial and that He would allow me to suffer for Him. I might have started the process weak and wounded, but when God intervened my soul rejoiced and my spirit was renewed.

When God moves in my heart, I feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof. He is a mighty God! Nothing is too big for Him. He might not always answer my prayers according to my will, but He always gives me exactly what I need. And for that I am so incredibly grateful!

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 KJV

Do you have something to add? Please leave me a comment if you enjoy reading my blogs. We all need encouragement.

May God bless you,

Candida