Scars and Stares: How to Overcome Living With Scars

People stare at me. Some drop my change in horror and others pity me. But the rude questions and comments are by far the hardest to endure. One person asked me how I could love a God that had done this to me. A stranger told me that if her baby was like me and had Amniotic Band Syndrome, she would abort it. Moments like these are hard to endure. I’ve lashed out with anger, and shot daggers out my eyes. I’ve had my heart blessed numerous times, and cried many tears because of the cruelty of others. But at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what other people think of me. It’s how I view myself that matters.

For so many years, I hid my scars. I didn’t want anyone to stare at me, question me, or even know about my differences. Somewhere along the way, a sense of shame had overcome me. When I looked in the mirror, all I could see was scars. I expected people to stare at me and I watched for those stares. Then the most amazing thing happened to me.

God helped me to overcome my scars. Accept them. Love them. And, finally, embrace them.

It happened the moment I realized that I could have died. Some babies don’t survive the attack of the amniotic bands. But I was spared for a reason. God gave me my scars for a purpose. Acceptance is a powerful gift. Now my scars no longer have the ability to hurt me.

People are always going to stare at me, but I’ve stopped looking for those stares. It doesn’t matter to me. Let them stare. I truly hope, while I have their undivided attention that I can give them a glimpse of my Lord. When people ask me numerous questions, I desire to tell them about my wonderful God and how good He is to me. When strangers approach me, I hope that I can give them a glimpse of the person underneath the scars. In God’s eyes we are all the same, and He loves us.

I can’t change the behavior of others. Regardless of what I do, I can’t stop someone was staring at me or lashing out with cruel words. I can, however, choose how I react to it. Kindness is a universal language. Perhaps it will have no influence on the person treating me badly, but it will have a profound effect on me.

We should all learn to accept and embrace our own differences and uniqueness as a gift from God. Outwardly we might have a different appearance, or different gifts, but our spirit is the same. We are like God because He lives in us.  And we need to love ourselves—always.

We need to treat others the way we want to be treated. I’ve had people call me disabled to my face and say things like, ‘It’s really great that you can do that with your disability’. At first it was extremely hard for me. Now I know if someone treats me badly, it is a reflection of them not me. And instead of getting mad at them, I should pray for them.

So how do I wish people would treat me? What do I want them to know about living with scars caused by Amniotic Band Syndrome?

Honestly, I wish that more people would look beyond my scars and see me. Underneath the scars is someone who loves God, family, friends, and life. My life has been filled with pain, but also the overcoming of it. I am not a victim, but an overcomer. Some days I feel overwhelmed by trying to adapt to this world, but so grateful for my beautiful life. Sometimes I cry through my workouts, but I don’t complain. I pray every day because I couldn’t make it without my Lord, and I want to thank Him for always helping me. Given the choice, I wouldn’t trade my scars for anything in this world. They have taught me through my weakness that God is my strength. Regardless of the battle, giving up is never an option. I am capable of so much more than I ever realized. Being scarred has taught me about kindness and compassion, and how to treat other people.

When people look at me, I hope that they see a window to God. Through my life, overcoming the struggles and pain, I hope to shine a light to Him. I desire to reflect His goodness and help others who are struggling. In all reality, I am an ambassador for God. Through my life, hope, and faith, I desire to give others a glimpse of my wonderful God. And maybe, just maybe they will give their heart to Him as well.

When I reflect on all He has blessed me to overcome and all of the amazing blessings He has given me, I know that there is absolutely nothing missing in my life. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. God formed me exactly how He wanted me to be, and I am satisfied with being me. My friends, I pray that you will accept your own scars, love them, and embrace them. Without my scars, none of these wonderful opportunities would have been possible. 

May God bless you,

Candida

The 4 Step Process to Overcoming Our Trials

The moment adversity strikes, my first thought is to just give up. Whether I embrace the negative thought or dismiss it immediately is entirely up to me. It took me awhile to realize I have that option. Just because I have a negative thought doesn’t mean it is true.

A few days ago, I had a bad day.  My foot had been hurting on and off for a few days. As my son and I went for our evening walk, the pain intensified and I could barely walk home. He held my hand and coached me along the way.

I was very discouraged! It’s so hard to struggle with something every single day. All I wanted to do was walk with my son, and my body prevented me. And that’s when the negative thoughts bombarded me and the pity party began. As the tears fell, I welcomed them and embraced my pitiful thoughts.

In anger and heartache, I thought: Give up what? What are you going to give up? Your life? Are you just going to go to bed, pull the covers over your head and accept defeat? Are you going to allow the devil to take away the enjoyment of your life? After a few minutes, the tears slowed down and my head cleared. Suddenly, it didn’t seem as overwhelming.  My tears changed from self-pity to acceptance, and I was able to ask God to help me through it so I could help someone else.

In every moment of my life, I believe there is a lesson to be learned. Instead of trying to be strong, and pushing my thoughts aside, I decided to become aware of them and the process of overcoming my struggle.

Below is my four step process.

1.      Give myself permission to cry about it.

2.      Realize nothing is ever as bad as it seems

3.      Embrace my purpose

4.      Reestablish my thoughts and find hope

The first step for me is always the tears. I give myself permission to cry about it. After all, God understands my tears. Regardless of our strength, faith, or courage, we will all have moments of weakness, doubt, and fear. If we just constantly push them aside, then we can’t move forward. When I come to the end of my strength, and let God know that I’m weak, I am surrounded by His strength. When I struggle, I am given an opportunity to increase my faith. Because once He brings me through this trial, it will create another memory of faith through victory for me. When I’m afraid and He gives me the courage to do it anyway, my courage multiplies with the overcoming of the fear.

When something happens to us, the devil uses it as an opportunity to attack. In a vulnerable state, we are more apt to believe the lie of our enemy. However, if we can shift our thoughts and find humor through the trial we more equipped to handle it. After my tears stopped, I asked my husband if he could give me a piggyback ride for 5,000 steps, so I could get in my steps for the day. Then I decided that I probably just need new running shoes. I mean new shoes always make me feel better. Through the laughs, I realized nothing is ever as bad as it initially seems.

Still going through the process, I searched for inspiring quotes and scriptures. The bad thoughts were still swirling in my mind and I wanted to change the direction of my thoughts. It was then that I discovered this quote, sent to me by one of my friends.

It reminded me of my purpose. Without trials to overcome, I wouldn’t be able to help others through their heartaches.

And God blessed me to take a trip down memory lane. We have been through so many trials. He has never let me down or left me. Regardless of the battle, He always helps me overcome it and grow during the process. When I establish my thoughts, the devil can’t do anything with me. Instead of being mad at the situation or pain, God blessed me to become grateful for the trial and that He would allow me to suffer for Him. I might have started the process weak and wounded, but when God intervened my soul rejoiced and my spirit was renewed.

When God moves in my heart, I feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof. He is a mighty God! Nothing is too big for Him. He might not always answer my prayers according to my will, but He always gives me exactly what I need. And for that I am so incredibly grateful!

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 KJV

Do you have something to add? Please leave me a comment if you enjoy reading my blogs. We all need encouragement.

May God bless you,

Candida

Spending Time With God: Why I Go To Church

Lately, I’ve heard so many excuses for not attending church. Videos and quotes as to why people shouldn’t go to church have gone viral.  When I see these lies, it breaks my heart. The devil tries to justify not serving God, but he doesn’t share the whole truth. He doesn’t know the peace, love, and joy that come from attending church and serving God.

So let me share with you, why I go to church.

Every Sunday morning, the devil tries to convince me to stay home as well. My body usually hurts all over and I’m so sleepy. Right away a million excuses flood my mind and the list of reasons for me to stay home is abundant. However, there is a still small voice inside of me that encourages me to go, and I know that if I put forth an effort God will bless me. So I fight through the pain and negativity and make my way to the Lord’s house.

The moment I open the door and walk inside, love surrounds me. Hugs and smiles greet me and my spirit is instantly lifted. No one looks down upon me because we’ve all struggled just to get there and overcome the same enemy. We are not on opposing sides of the war, but on the same side.

When the church begins to sing, peace fills my troubled soul. Just as a mother comforts her child, I feel comforted and soothed. My heart hears the words and feels the melody and my soul burns within. And it doesn’t end with the songs. Scriptures and words of wisdom from God are spoken and it is always exactly what I need. 

With tears, prayer request are given to the church. And then we all join together in prayer. Not just for ourselves, but for others. God understands our tears and listens to the groaning of our hearts. It is a beautiful gift to hear the church pray.

Testimonies are shared and God blesses us to help one another. Someone else has already been through the battle we are encountering. When they share their faith, wisdom, and victory it strengthens us and hope fills our soul. Suddenly, we believe that we can overcome our battle as well.

Words can’t even express my joy for my sweet little Sunday school class. Each child is so precious and I’m truly honored to be their teacher. I love seeing them every Sunday; reading them the scriptures, singing with them, and watching them learn about our Lord.

After Sunday school is over, I get to hear my daddy preach. It’s not only the words spoken, but the power behind the words that I love so much. The gospel speaks to my soul. It cuts out all of the foolishness of the world. It reminds me that in myself I am nothing, but my Lord is everything, and He is in control. The word of God renews me, and gives me the strength to keep going. It makes me want to be a better person and serve my God with my whole heart.

No earthly feeling can compare to helping someone to the Lord. It’s a great honor to pray with a lost soul, and hear them confess their salvation. It pleases God when I am obedient to Him, and serve Him by serving others. When the world gives us a million reasons for not going to church and serving the Lord, we need to think of the one reason why we should. God loves us. He sent His son to die for us. And He wants to help us. He desires to comfort us and sooth our troubled hearts. God loves each sinner, regardless of the sin. And He wants us to enjoy our salvation.

Does going to church make my life easier? No! But it teaches me how to overcome the enemy and enjoy every aspect of my life. As long as there is breath in my body, I pray that I will use it to praise my Lord and serve Him.

I sin. I fail and come short every day of my life. My life is not perfect and neither am I. But my Lord is forgiving, merciful, and long suffering with grace for every need. He knows all about my faults and failures and He loves me anyway. We should follow His example, and love others as He has loved us. The ones, who treat us the worst, need our love and prayers the most. 

Why do you go to church?

May God bless you!

Candida 

The Connection: How Our Stories Inspire Others

One of the greatest experiences of my life is when I open my heart and share my story with others. The moment I allow others to glimpse inside my soul, where the heartache and battles have occurred, I become vulnerable. God uses the bond of heartache, faith, compassion, overcoming, and etcetera to inspire hope. The hope that someone has been in our shoes and defeated the enemy is what transpires a defeated heart.  

The Bible is filled with stories of overcoming. All down through time, God has used His people to inspire others and give them a glimpse of Him. We need to continue in His ways. We have all struggled in some way, at some point in our lives. Once we receive the victory of overcoming, we should never forget the battle or neglect to share it.

We don’t know who around is hurting. The depth of their pain is often disguised. Not everyone shares their feelings. I know this from experience.

As a child, I bottled all of the negativity inside of me. Instead of nurturing good thoughts, I embraced the cruel words spoken to me. I didn’t share my struggles of being bullied, or the pain of living with scars.  The heartache continued to build inside of me, until I felt so overwhelmed and hopeless. Often times, I would stare at my reflection and repeat the same cruel words to myself.

Even during the darkest times of my life, God has always blessed me with a spark of hope. He has been with me as I walked through the valleys of despair and guided me along the path of victory. Each time we encounter a battle, and defeat the enemy, it sets up a stone of overcoming for us. When the next battle emerges, God reminds us of the previous battles we have defeated, and that inspires hope for us.

Hope is a beautiful gift! As long as we have hope, we have all we need to keep going. But sometimes our hope dims through the difficulty of the battles, and we need someone else to shine us their light of hope. We need to reflect God in everything we do.

So often, as a child, I wished for someone who would understand my pain and be able to help me—without me having to admit my heartaches. That is why I write books that are so personal. By sharing my pain and fears, faults and failures, faith and courage, and battles and victories, I’m able to connect with those who are hurting and going through similar battles. Sometimes all we need to know is that someone else has walked a mile in our shoes, and overcome the enemy. I’ve had people contact me, after reading one of my books, and ask me if I wrote the book specifically for them. That is powerful!

So I would like to give you one of my e-books. Perhaps it will speak to your heart as well.

Underneath the Scars is the free e-book for today, August 22, 2015. Hope you take a moment to download your copy and then share the link with your friends so they can download it as well.

Underneath the Scars is a journey of emotional and spiritual healing associated with physical deformities. You will laugh, cry, and reflect as Candida shares her story and the woman underneath her scars.

http://smile.amazon.com/Underneath-Scars-Candida-Sullivan-ebook/dp/B006T3HLEK/ref=sr_1_3_twi_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1429363327&sr=8-3&keywords=candida+sullivan

 If you don’t have a kindle, there is a Kindle app for computers: https://www.amazon.com/gp/digital/fiona/kcp-landing-page?ie=UTF8&ref_=kcp_pc_mkt_lnd

May God bless you,

Candida

Saying Goodbye: What I Learned About Death

It is NEVER easy to say goodbye to a loved one. Regardless of the situation, we harbor the hope that they will get better. We can’t imagine our lives without their smile, laughter, and love. And that is what breaks our hearts.

For months, I’ve watched my Mamaw suffer. A disease, which affected her brain, took her away from me. She no longer remembered my name, my children, or even that she was my Mamaw. But God blessed us to share smiles, and glimpses of understanding— every once in awhile.

As I stayed with her in the hospital, I witnessed her strength. Even though she suffered greatly, she didn’t complain. She handled it all with such grace. Once when she couldn’t even talk she hummed, and I knew that God was comforting her.

Then we got the call that all families dread; the one where they explain the options and then talk about precious time. We all have an appointed time with death. And nothing can stop it. Not even love or prayers. As I sat in her room and watched her fade away, I thought about life and death. In that moment, nothing about this world mattered. Money, education, friends, or family could not stop it from happening. When we near the end of this life, all that truly matters is our soul, and where we chose to spend eternity.

We always think we have more time. One moment we might be just fine, and in the next instant, the doctors might be telling our family that we won’t make it through the day. We don’t have the promise of tomorrow or even the next breath. Now is the time to get things fixed with God. We are all just passing through this world. It’s not our home. This is the place where we get ready for Eternity. And He lets us decide. That is the most powerful decision we will ever make. Somewhere, at some time in our life, we will realize just how badly we need God. In our dying hour, will He embrace us as we have embraced Him, or turn away from us as we turned away from Him?

Even though my heart broke as my Mamaw passed away, my heart also rejoiced for her. My tears and grief are for me, not her. Nothing or no one can ever hurt her again. She is resting in the arms of the Lord. She chose God, and He was with her—until the very end of her natural life. Now she will spend Eternity with Him. And that makes me so happy.

While I may not have all the answers or completely understand it all, I do know that this verse comforts me.  

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5 KJV

May God bless you, 

Candida 

I Don’t Care: The Lies of Self-destruction

Several years ago, this became my daily saying, “I don’t care.” Everything that was going wrong in my life was replaced with this mantra.

Realization: I’ve gained weight

Response: I don’t care. Life is too short to eat “diet food”.

Realization: I’m not happy with my job.

Response: I don’t care. I tried to go back to school, but no one would help me.

Realization: I don’t feel like I have a friend in the world

Response: If people don’t like me, it’s their loss. I don’t care.

Regardless of my problem, I was the victim. It was always someone else’s fault. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. Nor did I realize that I was depressed. I had turned cold and bitter, and shut nearly everyone out—including God.

One morning, I was able to break through to myself. As I tried to squeeze into my favorite jeans, I tore a gaping hole in them. I tried to tell myself that I really didn’t care, but as I looked in the mirror I realized that I did care. Very much.

As the restrained tears fell, I realized that I was overwhelmed physically, mentally, and spiritually. Yes, I went to church, but I didn’t serve God nor worship Him. Yes, I had gained some weight, but it was more than that. I didn’t like the person underneath it all. And then I discovered the most important part; it was no one’s fault but my own. I continuously made bad choices, and created a perfect storm of misery for myself.

Once I was ready to ask for forgiveness and more forward, God was there to help me. He helped me to change my mind-set. In my experience and knowledge, it is impossible to be happy without God being the center of our life. When we focus on Him; seeking His knowledge, wisdom, and understanding then we are able to truly live.

Climbing out of the depression hole was extremely hard. I had to change my thoughts and my daily routine. Ignoring my problems did not make them go away. In fact, it added to my problems and made them multiply. Being honest was imperative. It was necessary for me to peel back the layers on my heartaches, and dig to the very bottom of my grief.

Even though God had already forgiven me, I had to forgive myself and become my own best friend. Next, I had to tune into my inner self and discover what I needed to move forward in my life. And that is what I want to share with you.

·    **   We all need total acceptance of ourselves. We have to realize that God created us for a purpose; His  purpose, and we need to seek Him until we discover it.

·   **     We need unconditional love, for others as well as ourselves. God is love. The more we exhibit His  love, the more love we will welcome into our own lives.

·   * *  The “I don’t care lifestyle” is of no benefit to anyone. God gives us all a unique and beautiful life.  It’s up to us whether we accept and nurture His gift or waste it.

·  * *  People can only hurt us if we allow them to. When the broken are lashing out, they need our  understanding, forgiveness, prayers, and love.

The devil wants our lives. He wants to destroy us all. God, on the other hand, wants us to enjoy our lives. Imagine being in a cage with the devil. Would you fight for your life? Or simply lie down and accept defeat?

Fight, my friends—with everything inside of you! Not with others, but with the enemy inside of you. Fight for your happiness. Fight for your own acceptance. And fight for your life. Don’t allow the enemy to win.

It makes me sad for all of the moments of my life that I wasted and missed. Now I’m genuinely happy. I no longer go through the motions of my life, but everyday I’m learning how to live—with love and gratitude in my heart and peace in my soul.  

May God bless you,

Candida

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Gift of Hope: Do You Embrace Your Purpose?

Several years ago, I endured the darkest time of my life. My body was plagued with pain, I wasn’t able to work, and my heart ached, continuously. During the day, I tried to put my misery aside and care for my home and children, but at night I cried until all of my tears were gone. Every night, alone on my deck, I talked to God and cried. My misery stemmed from my unwillingness to do His work and my rejection of His purpose for me.

I didn’t want to be scarred or to live in constant pain. Fighting every day to do simple tasks wasn’t what I wanted for my life. Yes, I wanted to be an author, but I wanted to be funny, and only write fictional stories that excluded any similarity to my life. Opening my heart and sharing my deepest heartaches was NEVER part of my dreams. It was, however, the desire of my heart. I just didn’t know it yet.

God was so patient with me through the process. Every time my heart began searching for understanding, God was there to instruct me. He comforted me as I cried, and gave me the encouragement, faith, and courage to keep going.

I will never forget the moment, when my heart asked Him why. Some viewed me as burden, fluke of nature, defect, etc. and even made comments that my scars were a punishment. Seeing the disgust on their faces made me feel even worse about myself. While some people believed that I should have never questioned God, I needed a new perspective about my scars. In most situations, there are two perspectives: spiritual and scientific. Since no one could satisfy me with the scientific explanation, I desired to know the spiritual reasoning.

Did God, in fact, have a reason for my scars?

One night, as I sat on the deck God gave me a glimpse of my scars’ purpose. A light shined upon my hands and extended from them. At first this vision scared me, and I closed my eyes. I rubbed my eyes, and breathed deeply. But when I opened them the light was still shining on my hands and I could feel His spirit in my heart. God showed me that my hands would give others hope. Sometimes it is so comforting to know that we are not alone in our journey.  And in that moment my feelings about my scars changed. My whole life I had been ashamed of my scars and tried to pray them away, but when the light faded I saw them with a different understanding. I was not punished with scars, but blessed with life—to love and be loved. My situation could have turned out differently. The bands could have wrapped around my body and taken my life, but God spared me. Since that day I have never looked at them the same way. I’m so thankful God blessed me to live. And for the beautiful testimony He placed in my heart to explain them.

Some people hate the word inspiration, and believe it is a form of pity. I believe it is a gift from God. Anytime that He will allow me to inspire another life is priceless. According to the definition in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to inspire is a :  to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural inspiration. In my opinion, we should all strive to live an inspired life. 

My son captured this picture of my sister and me at an event. The first thing I saw was the light on my hands. As the tears fell from my eyes, I remembered that moment with God on my deck. Regardless of what people think of me, I know this is my purpose. As long as there is breath in my body, I pray that I will do His work and live my life for Him. To give others hope, when they feel hopeless, is a beautiful gift—it’s priceless.

Do you have a group, school, or event that you feel would benefit from hearing my story of hope? If so, please email me at candidasullivan@yahoo.com. 

May God bless you,

Candida Sullivan