Writing Was Never My Dream

All down through the years as I thought about my future, and dreamed of what I would be when I grew up, writing was never one of my options. I wanted to be a paralegal, and then later a teacher, but never a writer. So often when asked why I write books, I give my short answer. I want to help other people. Today, however, I’d like to give you the long answer. 

From the outside looking in, my life seemed great. Actually, it was pretty great. I had a husband, two healthy children, a job, and my needs were all met. At the end of the day, however, right before I drifted off to sleep I dreamed of more. I wanted something to set my soul on fire. I wanted to do more than wash dishes, clean the house, work at job, spend all of my money on bills, and go to sleep exhausted and uninspired every night. I wanted more, however, I didn’t know how to get it. While I explored several different options, I could never open the doors that I needed. One night completely exhausted and uninspired, I asked God to help me, to give me a dream that would set my soul on fire and enable me to help other people. To this day, I can still take you to that spot. I remember lying my forehead on the carpet, because I was as low as I could possibly go, and crying. 

Later, God blessed me to write my first piece. While it was not earth shattering, it shook me to my very core. Inside the words was so much power and pain. Once I transferred it to paper, the pain left my heart, and God showed me my ability to write and the power behind my words. I didn’t share my writing with anyone or share my experience. I folded the piece of paper and tucked it in my Bible. Terrified of what had just happened. 

While I still dabbled in writing, I spent years trying to run away from my gift. I wrote everything, but what God placed on my heart, and I caused myself lots of misery. Writing was never my choice, it was never my dream. I never wanted to open my heart and allow others to see my vulnerabilities, my fears, and my heartaches. It was, however, my calling. When I stopped fighting it, and allowed my faith to become bigger than my fear, then I was able to embrace the greatness of it. It is the one thing that truly sets my soul on fire and makes me feel alive, successful, and joyful. 

Half the time we don’t even know what we want. We can’t look into the future and see our growth. We don’t know our potential or even the desires of our heart. This is why that it is so important for us to allow God to lead us. While I would have never chosen this for myself, every day I am so thankful for this amazing gift that He has given me and that He didn’t let me quit. Because, at times, I really wanted to quit. I used to ask God over and over again if He really wanted me to continue writing, because I secretly hoped that He would change His mind and give me something easier to do. 

If you don’t know what to do with your life, ask God for guidance and to show you what He created you to do. Yes, it will be scary. You will want to quit almost daily. But if you decide to do it with your whole heart, despite the fears and obstacles that will arise, then God will bless you and give you something greater than you could have ever imagined. Every time I write something that touches another heart, or connect with an audience, I am amazed and so grateful. God knows what we need. He knows what is best for us. We just need to spend time with Him and ask Him to reveal His plan to us. The day you decide to embrace His plan for you, is the day that you will really start living. And it will be better than you ever dreamed possible.

Love and blessings, 

Candida