Why I Hate The Words “Tough Love” And “Brutally Honest”

This is a topic that has been bothering me for a while now. I see and hear people say mean things to others, and then add in the harsh words somewhere that it is just tough love or they are just being brutally honest. I’ve done this many times myself. When we are belittling another person, shaming them, intimidating them, and harassing them to change or take action, we are not reacting in love. I have a really hard time receiving information from someone who is putting themselves above me. In my opinion, there is a big difference between arrogance and compassion. Since I know this about myself, then it should be easier for me to understand that other people don’t like it as well. 

However, if someone shares their experience with me in love from a compassionate heart, then the person earns my trust. Therefore, we have a connection. And I am able to receive their wisdom, knowledge, and criticism because I know that it comes from a place of love.

Sometimes reacting with loving and trying to do what is best for others is tough. I struggle with this in raising my children. I want them to be wonderful boys and grow into wonderful men. But if I constantly try to tear them down and point out all of their faults, then I’m not reacting with love. If I go to them, however, from a place of love and compassion, then they are more apt to receive my instructions. Because they can feel that I truly want what it best for them.

We should get in the mindset that we want to encourage those who are struggling, because we know how it feels to struggle ourselves. We are all excellent at pointing out our own flaws, and tearing ourselves down. If we truly want to help others in the name of love, then we need to be the ones pointing out the good in them. We need to give them so much love and encouragement, that they start to see the goodness in themselves. That is love.

This is something that I want to work on in myself—until it becomes natural for me. I always want my first reaction to come from kindness, love, and understanding. We have all made bad choices, had limiting beliefs, and struggled with something. I want to be the kind of person who helps someone else pick up the broken pieces of their life, not the one throwing stones at them. 

Love and blessings, 

Candida